I never dared to ask for such a big event such as a college acceptance. I'd heard so much about UCLA.
The awesome buffet-styled food,
giant cavernous lecture halls,
a busy city school with stuff to do all the time
big school with lots of peers
tons of trees and calm ambiance
open grassland quad
ancient buildings that smell nice
old tomes in the library
everything.
During the visit, I totally ignored the tour guide, cuz I didn't want to know how much I'd be missing, and the pang in my heard when I heard I got rejected, it would be too much to bear. I held it all inside, and I never told anyone about it. My pride was on the line. I was supposed to be "smart", "intelligent", "lovable", "detached", and I just felt myself become more and more awkward. I hated the position, and I wanted to change it. I hate having to beg for something I really wanted. I hated having to placate myself to others. I wanted to be king/queen.
Last year, a couple of friends got into UCLA, and I looked up to them. I thought they were amazing, and immediately crushed any hope that I could be even close in ranking to them.
I changed myself to hide my real self. I didn't want anyone to see past my real faulty self. I wanted to keep up my image. I wanted to clean up my last days in high school, and make it seem like I actually made a difference.
I just want to thank everyone that has helped me these past few years. I couldn't have done it alone.
Thanks mom: all those late nights, and you worried about me all the way. I screamed, shouted, cried, felt alone, and you were there through it all. You criticized me, but I knew I deserved it all. I was way over my head, and I had to work it out.
Thanks dad: for not bothering me any of those late nights, when I was constantly jumpy and angry, for pushing me to higher achievements and taking me to places at all times of day, and for putting up with my rapid changes in attitude.
Thanks v: for being there for me all of junior year. We had every class together, and we pulled through together. Whenever I was wasting time on fb, you always scolded me, and it helped, I needed that kick.
Thanks s: for being my friend away from other friends, with which I could get a break from the normal run of things and have a bit of fun.
Thanks k: for being the constant reminder to have some fun, by constantly dragging me to events that I normally wouldn't have gone to.
Thanks a: for when I really wanted that, and I didn't know how to get it, so you helped, and guided me through it all. I really had a blast that entire time. Even though I lost sleep and was exhausted, it was euphoric.
Thanks m: for providing me with a sense that I was not all alone. For revealing your entire self to me, and for making it okay if I ranted or hated or whatever. For pulling me out and giving me perspective.
Thanks to everyone else: all teachers and everything. I have not forgotten you. Without the constant stream of people by my side, I would have had a completely different high school experience.
Thanks God/Almighty/Protector: I don't know which name you go by, but thanks for the luck and the way things all turned out. That was my biggest dream that I dared not recognize, and I am so glad that it turned out so well. I hope the best to be with you, and thank you just so much. I cannot even express in words this giant feeling of excitement that wants to hug everyone and everything in sight. Thank you.
I couldn't have done it without all of your help. I hope to thank each and every one of you in person when the time is right. Thank you all.
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