"To all those that were accepted today, congrats! To all those who did not, remember that college is not a measure of your self worth.And to all those who are rudely/insensitively posting things on Facebook shame on you and way to make other people feel like shit." -friend's fb status
I so agree. Thank you for your consideration.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Brotip #136
"Some say to flip a coin to make decisions - not to get an answer, but because when it's in the air, you'll know what you're hoping for."
that. is so true. I really like this one.
that. is so true. I really like this one.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
All About Elrond by Erestor
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2363297/1/All_About_Elrond cr. friend
Elrond came to this important conclusion one morning while he was buttering his toast. very uhm. normal. pplz think while buttering toast. the randomest action ever xD
He liked toast almost as much as he liked watching Legolas bleed to death on his new carpet. erm. polar opposite. must not think that way. >.>
Watching Legolas bleed to death was somewhat satisfying (like toast), somewhat commonplace (like toast), and somewhat distressing (like toast when one is choking on it). Elrond did not like toast. However, his dislike of toast did not affect the vigorous and hearty way in which he buttered it. He would be half-asleep while buttering, and then he would wake up properly and remember that he hated toast. He would toss the toast out the window. (The birds of Imladris were becoming strangely fat and less aerodynamic.) Then he would come to an important conclusion. omg i just really like that whole paragraph. xDDD so much win xD
"Aha!" announced Elrond, coming to his important conclusion. He waved his slice of toast in a gesture that was supposed to convey the idea that he wanted silence. Unfortunately, the Valar had obviously decided to bless Elrond by giving him some very stupid Elves to rule. They all thought that he wanted them to leave the room. So they did. (They were stupid, but obedient.) Elrond discovered that he was all by himself. He growled, and took a bite of his toast. another great paragraph. so selfimpt xDD
but mother said that I'd probably just shrink as I got older.
I learned later that this was my mother's twisted idea of a joke. HAHA HIS MOM LIKES SHORT JOKES TOO XDDDD
My father wasn't around much, because he had a yacht. This had a detrimental effect on me. As of yet, I'm not certain what it was. thats one great father, as for uhm uncertain err..fail much?
vanilla tea YUMMY xDD
"Try some alliteration," said Glorfindel. "It's a good literary device." its so, erm, intelligent xD
of course his story is sad xDD
"Therefore, I want you to write about the events of this morning, Erestor," he said, "so that the generations to come can see what stupidity I had to put up with."
That is what I have done.
ouch. that bitter. xDDD but SO FUNNY to the outside readers xDD
another amazing fanfic that is so win xDD
Elrond came to this important conclusion one morning while he was buttering his toast. very uhm. normal. pplz think while buttering toast. the randomest action ever xD
He liked toast almost as much as he liked watching Legolas bleed to death on his new carpet. erm. polar opposite. must not think that way. >.>
Watching Legolas bleed to death was somewhat satisfying (like toast), somewhat commonplace (like toast), and somewhat distressing (like toast when one is choking on it). Elrond did not like toast. However, his dislike of toast did not affect the vigorous and hearty way in which he buttered it. He would be half-asleep while buttering, and then he would wake up properly and remember that he hated toast. He would toss the toast out the window. (The birds of Imladris were becoming strangely fat and less aerodynamic.) Then he would come to an important conclusion. omg i just really like that whole paragraph. xDDD so much win xD
"Aha!" announced Elrond, coming to his important conclusion. He waved his slice of toast in a gesture that was supposed to convey the idea that he wanted silence. Unfortunately, the Valar had obviously decided to bless Elrond by giving him some very stupid Elves to rule. They all thought that he wanted them to leave the room. So they did. (They were stupid, but obedient.) Elrond discovered that he was all by himself. He growled, and took a bite of his toast. another great paragraph. so selfimpt xDD
but mother said that I'd probably just shrink as I got older.
I learned later that this was my mother's twisted idea of a joke. HAHA HIS MOM LIKES SHORT JOKES TOO XDDDD
My father wasn't around much, because he had a yacht. This had a detrimental effect on me. As of yet, I'm not certain what it was. thats one great father, as for uhm uncertain err..fail much?
vanilla tea YUMMY xDD
"Try some alliteration," said Glorfindel. "It's a good literary device." its so, erm, intelligent xD
of course his story is sad xDD
"Therefore, I want you to write about the events of this morning, Erestor," he said, "so that the generations to come can see what stupidity I had to put up with."
That is what I have done.
ouch. that bitter. xDDD but SO FUNNY to the outside readers xDD
another amazing fanfic that is so win xDD
Harold by Erestor
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2339608/1/Harold
THIS IS AMAZING.
"Don't say the 's' word! Harold is a S-O-C-K P-U-P-P-E-T." xDDD
... stretched into a smile, and he said, in a squeaky voice, "Hello, Erestor!" d'awww so cute!
"But guess what! Harold has a sister!"
"Oh no..."
"Oh yes! Erestor, meet Haroldina!"
its like bob and bobina but more original! xD
thanks to a great friend for introing me to this fanfic!
THIS IS AMAZING.
"Don't say the 's' word! Harold is a S-O-C-K P-U-P-P-E-T." xDDD
... stretched into a smile, and he said, in a squeaky voice, "Hello, Erestor!" d'awww so cute!
"But guess what! Harold has a sister!"
"Oh no..."
"Oh yes! Erestor, meet Haroldina!"
its like bob and bobina but more original! xD
the ending: incredulous! for such a short fanfic, it definitely made me move through a ton of emotions xDD
thanks to a great friend for introing me to this fanfic!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
E for Effort
you know when pplz say a for effort?
its actually e for effort
and like
theres no e letter grade :OOO
never noticed that xD
♫ fluorescent adolescent
Huh. That is so true. I'm so flickery. Idek. Sometimes I just want to let go of everything and just sit there. Let things be what they will be. I'm done.
FINE.
I ADMIT IT. I GOT IT. I UNDERSTAND. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THAT SCHOOL GIVES ME, NO MATTER HOW MUCH POTENTIAL I HAVE THERE. NO MATTER HOW FREAKING MUCH I WANNA GO THERE. I WILL NEVER GO. NOT EVEN AS A VISITING ADMITTED STUDENT. HAPPY? IM NOT LOOKING UP PLANE TICKETS ANYMORE. IM DONE. IM GOING TO UCLA. IVE FINALIZED MY DECISION.
When I get the mail, im super excited. When I look up plane tickets, they don't exist. I gotta take the night flights that cost less, but then what do i do for 14 hrs from 2 am to 4 pm? I look up hotels, and there are bed bugs there. Finally, I check dates on my planner, and I gotta spanish club meeting, not to mention technovation, and tons of hw. My parents dislike the school, it's not even ranked that high, its in brooklyn, its far away in the snow, its a small school, my class is only 25 students, i'll be closer to teachers than ever before, no more slacking off, and I know, deep inside me, the better choice is not there. sigh. and i had wished.
When I get the mail, im super excited. When I look up plane tickets, they don't exist. I gotta take the night flights that cost less, but then what do i do for 14 hrs from 2 am to 4 pm? I look up hotels, and there are bed bugs there. Finally, I check dates on my planner, and I gotta spanish club meeting, not to mention technovation, and tons of hw. My parents dislike the school, it's not even ranked that high, its in brooklyn, its far away in the snow, its a small school, my class is only 25 students, i'll be closer to teachers than ever before, no more slacking off, and I know, deep inside me, the better choice is not there. sigh. and i had wished.
Disney
The last amazing trip of 8th grade. Disneyland. We went there and had so much fun. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. I still have great memories of that time. Carefree, excited, just enjoying life. It was the start of a slew of trips all through high school going all over the place for DECA. Now, high school has almost come to an end. It is March, almost April, and we will be finished with this place for good in less than 3 months. It'll be time to leave everyone behind. It'll be time to leave Cupertino behind. It'll be time to start a new life. Albeit I wanted to go to a prestigious college, one that I'd be so proud of sharing to everyone, though UCLA is good too. Can't deny that. Although I wanted to go to NYC with my NYU-Poly, I know in the long run, it's not the best choice for my future. At UCLA, it'll be a different climate, a different world. A different atmosphere and a different circle of friends. A new start, one I look forward to, and one I loathe. Ups and downs. No one there to comfort me, though everyone in the same boat.
The last trip of high school. Disney World. Florida. It's disney again. Rekindling the faith within us. I tell myself not to expect much, but what can I say. I kinda enjoy disney, and the tons of disney music that gets blown into our ears. I'mna love it. Just listening to disney music from 4 years ago, I <3 it. It gives me such a warm feeling. I really want to have a blast at icdc. Forget about it all. Just think great. All the worries and ups and downs of high school washed away, and reconnecting with the middle-school me. Reconnecting with when I was a tiny child in middle school, enjoying life as it showed up. Those were the days. A happy childhood not forgotten.
Music: Welcome to Our Family Time [parade song]
The last trip of high school. Disney World. Florida. It's disney again. Rekindling the faith within us. I tell myself not to expect much, but what can I say. I kinda enjoy disney, and the tons of disney music that gets blown into our ears. I'mna love it. Just listening to disney music from 4 years ago, I <3 it. It gives me such a warm feeling. I really want to have a blast at icdc. Forget about it all. Just think great. All the worries and ups and downs of high school washed away, and reconnecting with the middle-school me. Reconnecting with when I was a tiny child in middle school, enjoying life as it showed up. Those were the days. A happy childhood not forgotten.
Music: Welcome to Our Family Time [parade song]
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Supernatural Nights
Dang kids in that show can stay up all night and still function in the morning T^T. I'm surprised they haven't been become bait yet. Oh actors and their busy schedules projected into movies. xD
Sun in the Afternoon
Why does it always rain in the morning, and become sunny when I get home? I gotta jump huge puddles in the morning. It's great that it doesn't rain the afternoon, but I'm also inside, and stressing myself out, barely looking outside. Still, it's nice to see the sun again, after such a long day. I don't count days/time anymore. It makes no sense. Plus, I usually get the most sad out around now, so it's nice to see the sun. Weather controls my mood to some extent. yea. >.>
Dear Blank Please Blank
www.dearblankpleaseblank.com
Amazing website. Thank my lit/drama friends. <33
Dear college,
Amazing website. Thank my lit/drama friends. <33
Dear college,
I am writing to inform you that I am rejecting your rejection letter.
Sincerely, see you in the fall.
HECK YES. I REJECT THAT LETTER MIT. NEVER WILL I ACCEPT IT. SAME GOES TO THOSE OTHER COLLEGES. YOU THINK I DONT CARE? NW YOU WON'T EVEN MAIL ME A COPY, YOU JUST GIVE ME A LINK ONLINE.
Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Changing your relationship status to "single" on Facebook is not a good way to break up with someone.
Sincerely, All you had to do was tell me.
HAHA. WELL. IF YOU WON'T TALK TO ME. I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. OTHER THAN THAT. I DEF HAD A BLAST, AND I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE GOES WELL [SARCASM IF YOU DIDNT NOTICE.]
Other than being sarcastic, other quotes were amazing. I liked them. Those two just hit really deep spots.
HAHA. WELL. IF YOU WON'T TALK TO ME. I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. OTHER THAN THAT. I DEF HAD A BLAST, AND I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE GOES WELL [SARCASM IF YOU DIDNT NOTICE.]
Other than being sarcastic, other quotes were amazing. I liked them. Those two just hit really deep spots.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Concentrating on Essays
It's so much easier to concentrate with chinese music, especially ones from the good ol' past. Plus, the sun's shining. I think I'm okay now. (:
Don't forget that when you peer into the darkness, the darkness is looking right back at you
cr. friend's status.
right. and the darkness has eyes. thank goodness its kinda remotely bright outside. T^T
right. and the darkness has eyes. thank goodness its kinda remotely bright outside. T^T
Amazon Rainforest Relaxation Video
I was reading "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad, and I was thinking about rain forests. Then, I decided to listen to some rainforest songs. They're really great. I kinda really like them. (:
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Statuses
Lack of updates recently due to me having to reinstall windows. It's such a pain, and after like tons of hours on the phone with Dell, I still have to reinstall a bunch of my programs and stuffs and everything. Such a hassle, and I'm already so tired after sleeping late from doing all this.
While I've been tired and kinda mad at the world, these statuses have made my day. They're so precious. Random acts of kindness are beautiful.
♫ just stop for a minute and smile
While I've been tired and kinda mad at the world, these statuses have made my day. They're so precious. Random acts of kindness are beautiful.
♫ just stop for a minute and smile
♫ “You can’t experience being alive without realizing you have to die, but it’s just as impossible to realize you have to die without thinking how incredibly amazing it is to be alive."
<33333
Shinee Site
http://shineexworld.wordpress.com/about-shinee/
this is an amazing with a bunch of shinee background stuffs. just gotta save the site. (:
Saturday, March 19, 2011
"With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"
-a famous person, fav quote of friend, said by a deca officer
its so. haha. and i've definitely lived up to that.
its so. haha. and i've definitely lived up to that.
...the End.
Doing accting hw, the topic is how to finish and liquidate a company. It just fits perfectly, huh.
I'm not putting too much stuffs on the future, cuz last time i did that, i was horribly disappointed.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Respecting Privacy
I kinda don't really like how pplz like to go through my stuffs. I know I may seem kinda secretive at times, but that's also because I don't like to give too much of myself away. It's kinda annoying how people pry, like today, I left my binder on the table, and everyone just took it and looked at what was inside it, especially the test scores and such. Such stuff is supposed to be private, and if you want to know, JUST ASK ME. DUHHH. Don't go digging through my stuff, cuz I won't be happy, and I will further not be your friend. In fact, you're already not my friend. I'm just gonna demote you today from co-worker to stranger. I don't give enough to even hate you. Sorry. I feel happy that when you sat on my chair, I pushed you back off. You don't deserve a spot. I could tell you everything, if not for the fact that you keep doing that to me. In fact, when I go to a uc, i'll be sure to spread the news [with name] of how you may be rescinded. And laugh in your face about it. Cuz. You've caused that much pain to me, and I can't believe I was your friend for so long, and I am utterly annoyed at your attitude towards me. It's pitiful. It's gross. I don't ever want to see your face ever again. In fact, you know that guy you wanted? I'mna take him from you. </3 forever.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Canine Loyalty
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/dog-in-japan-stays-by-the-side-of-its-ailing-friend-in-the-rubble
dangg through a whole tsunami, and dogs hate the wet and cold as much as humans. it's so heartwarming.
dangg through a whole tsunami, and dogs hate the wet and cold as much as humans. it's so heartwarming.
"Apparently tomorrow is National Hug-A-Tennis-Player Day. LOL"
cr. friend's status
HAHA I'M A TENNIS PLAYER -waves- xDD
HAHA I'M A TENNIS PLAYER -waves- xDD
Glee: Original Song
World War Sue: klfasdf. pompous are we.
THOSE TWO WARBLER REGIONAL SONGS! OMGOMGOMG SPAZZZZ
woah theyre from ohio :O somehow that fact escaped me. >.> well. hai! I'm from sunny california and going to school in the dazzling city of los angeles (:
kyaaaa. rachel berry just wants to feel special.
and did i mention that i just really like the ending song? harmonizing gets to me. xDD
THOSE TWO WARBLER REGIONAL SONGS! OMGOMGOMG SPAZZZZ
woah theyre from ohio :O somehow that fact escaped me. >.> well. hai! I'm from sunny california and going to school in the dazzling city of los angeles (:
kyaaaa. rachel berry just wants to feel special.
and did i mention that i just really like the ending song? harmonizing gets to me. xDD
Special Education Week
Children with special needs don't have an illness, so there is no cure and it's not contagious. They want what we all want, to be accepted. Most of you probably won't copy and paste this. Could you do it and leave it on your status for at least 1 hour? It's Special Education week.
"'Forget Bieber fever, I have the Black Plague"
cr. wikipedia
this vid/song do many things blatantly wrong, but like, its so addicting. many pplz say that rebecca black is totally lame in the vid, and maybe it's cuz justin bieber tried to act so "cool", and everyone criticized it, so this producer tried to make them not as wannabe. this totally reminds me of jb. definitely. x__x
funfact: rebeca black is a character in twilight too :O
this vid/song do many things blatantly wrong, but like, its so addicting. many pplz say that rebecca black is totally lame in the vid, and maybe it's cuz justin bieber tried to act so "cool", and everyone criticized it, so this producer tried to make them not as wannabe. this totally reminds me of jb. definitely. x__x
funfact: rebeca black is a character in twilight too :O
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
When UC Admission Decision Letters Arrive
http://poway.patch.com/articles/wondering-when-uc-admissions-letters-come-out-here-are-the-dates
To all those that are waiting, good luck!
To all those that are waiting, good luck!
Celebrating
My parents bought a giant mousse cake with whipped cream flowers on top for my acceptances. They thought that the little scone things i bought were not enough. They're so happy and proud. I'm glad that I haven't disappointed them. They're so happy discussing my future.
i dunno though. i'm happy, but its kinda at the back of my mind.
i dunno though. i'm happy, but its kinda at the back of my mind.
3/16/2011
There's been so much sad stuff on this blog lately. So. I'mna be happy today.
What's on my mind: ucsb/ucsc two schools are both pretty amazing schools. Many people don't realize that. SC is wet and kinda like a forest, so i dun really like the campus, though sb seems pretty awesome. I kinda wanna switch it up and go there maybe.
I kinda got a lot of hw today. whatever.
oh. i got a $60,000 scholarship from neu. yay. my parents are so not gonna let me go, cuz uc's are still cheaper than that. OH. and a close friend got into mit, though everyone who got into mit had something super special. i should be happy with la, considering how sucky my stats are anyways.
engineering/it school rankings for schools in the US [us news and world report]
1. mit
2. stanford
3. berkeley
4. caltech
5. cmu
6. git
7. ucla
yes i got the list memorized. it took me a grand total of one run though.
i guess i should be happy. plus graduation is approaching quickly. but still. i need to stop hoping. it's only gonna kill my self-esteem. i'm probably gonna stop with opening all decision notifications from now on, cuz theyre getting to the pt at which theres no more safety schools, and the rest i kinda really want, and i'll kinda mostly be rejected. i'll open them all during april, when opening up a bunch at a time won't be as painful.
What's on my mind: ucsb/ucsc two schools are both pretty amazing schools. Many people don't realize that. SC is wet and kinda like a forest, so i dun really like the campus, though sb seems pretty awesome. I kinda wanna switch it up and go there maybe.
I kinda got a lot of hw today. whatever.
oh. i got a $60,000 scholarship from neu. yay. my parents are so not gonna let me go, cuz uc's are still cheaper than that. OH. and a close friend got into mit, though everyone who got into mit had something super special. i should be happy with la, considering how sucky my stats are anyways.
engineering/it school rankings for schools in the US [us news and world report]
1. mit
2. stanford
3. berkeley
4. caltech
5. cmu
6. git
7. ucla
yes i got the list memorized. it took me a grand total of one run though.
i guess i should be happy. plus graduation is approaching quickly. but still. i need to stop hoping. it's only gonna kill my self-esteem. i'm probably gonna stop with opening all decision notifications from now on, cuz theyre getting to the pt at which theres no more safety schools, and the rest i kinda really want, and i'll kinda mostly be rejected. i'll open them all during april, when opening up a bunch at a time won't be as painful.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
No.
I did something wrong today. I did something unforgivable. You have every right to hate me. I know I'm becoming too loud these days, too comfortable within my space. I talk loudly and walk proudly. I speak my mind. I'm not fit to keep secrets. Today as I was walking into the classroom, two friends ran up and were going to crash into me if they did not turned. Jumping, an unconscious stream of swear words apparently came out of my mouth. The teacher told me that I said them a while later. I didn't even notice.
also. I saw another person in the art room today. She seemed to know me, and always fell silent when I talked. It was, filled with, some tension.
but you know, if I was someone else watching myself, I would hate myself. I know you say that you don't mind, but still. I had wanted to change this aspect of me a while back, and I've been slacking, especially on tired or sad days, and today happened to be one of both. I make excuses, but I know that they are not okay. I know how much she wants to be your friend again, and how even though she has "gotten better", she's jealous of my position.
I know it's my fault, and how she set it up for me, and I totally fell for it. I should have known this was going to happen, she was never this nice to me before. I opened myself up to her, and let her slice away. When people are insensitive to things that are sensitive to me, it hurts a lot. I let her, because I always wanted her to become better. This is not the truth. I can't stop deceiving myself. We're all still in pain. I jumped into this boat late, and I don't belong.
This particular pain, the one I've caused today, it's again, correct. It's another cold splash. It's a reminder that I really cannot live up to all this hype. I need to focus on one thing at a time. This hurt you, no doubt. It also hurts me. I had a really fun time being so close, and being able to talk about anything and everything that was on my mind. Several times, I warned myself that if I fall from this one friendship, it's going to hurt so badly, because I've revealed so much. Still, I believed in better.
See, I've been thinking about this all day long. Plus, there's been so much jealousy and hate going on about now, especially with the college decisions going out and pplz being ranked by academic prowess. Even though my decision isn't going to impact anything very much, I still want to do it, if only to make myself feel better. It'll be better for you too.
So now, I'm just going to step down.
also. I saw another person in the art room today. She seemed to know me, and always fell silent when I talked. It was, filled with, some tension.
but you know, if I was someone else watching myself, I would hate myself. I know you say that you don't mind, but still. I had wanted to change this aspect of me a while back, and I've been slacking, especially on tired or sad days, and today happened to be one of both. I make excuses, but I know that they are not okay. I know how much she wants to be your friend again, and how even though she has "gotten better", she's jealous of my position.
I know it's my fault, and how she set it up for me, and I totally fell for it. I should have known this was going to happen, she was never this nice to me before. I opened myself up to her, and let her slice away. When people are insensitive to things that are sensitive to me, it hurts a lot. I let her, because I always wanted her to become better. This is not the truth. I can't stop deceiving myself. We're all still in pain. I jumped into this boat late, and I don't belong.
This particular pain, the one I've caused today, it's again, correct. It's another cold splash. It's a reminder that I really cannot live up to all this hype. I need to focus on one thing at a time. This hurt you, no doubt. It also hurts me. I had a really fun time being so close, and being able to talk about anything and everything that was on my mind. Several times, I warned myself that if I fall from this one friendship, it's going to hurt so badly, because I've revealed so much. Still, I believed in better.
See, I've been thinking about this all day long. Plus, there's been so much jealousy and hate going on about now, especially with the college decisions going out and pplz being ranked by academic prowess. Even though my decision isn't going to impact anything very much, I still want to do it, if only to make myself feel better. It'll be better for you too.
So now, I'm just going to step down.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Two Bruno Mars Songs and a Super Long Chat Later
MIT was a wakeup call. MIT was a splatter of cold rain. I needed it. I can't go through life with a giant bubble around my head. I only need one acceptance letter. I only need one college. I'm. set.
Tears
Blatant symbolism. It's stupid. yes. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth. yes. but its me. thanks.
Mistake
It was a total, utter, complete mistake. I'm not fit for engineering. I'm not. Who am I kidding? I <3 business. I <3 selling stuffs and accounting. I <3 financials. I <3 the competition and the surge of success at the end. I <3 product placement and brand equity. Why don't I go to change my major now? I dislike physics. I don't like electric. I'm just lying to myself. It's simply apparent in my attitude. WHY. I would be glad to leave physics once and for all. I'd even take med school over engineering. Why am I doing this then? I'm facing 8 years and a lifetime in the computer world. It's not something I want. Either I break my pride and spill it, or I suck it up for the rest of my life. I'm never gonna make it. I won't. Today at Technovation, I was bored outta my mind. That familiar feeling of I don't give an anything. I just balk at the topic. Mm.
Desire To Forget
Most definitely. My first rejection. I wanna forget this moment forever and ever.
UCLA, I'm just gonna accept your offer and that's it. I'm not gonna even try to "greater schools" anymore. I'm just gonna accept that I'm just that. Enough for a public school.
Neither will I ever be more than modest at anyone's rejection. And I will definitely sympathize with anyone who ever got rejected anywhere. I'm not gonna mention colleges ever again. I'm taking myself outta the loop.
SoCal, get ready. Hooray.
UCLA, I'm just gonna accept your offer and that's it. I'm not gonna even try to "greater schools" anymore. I'm just gonna accept that I'm just that. Enough for a public school.
Neither will I ever be more than modest at anyone's rejection. And I will definitely sympathize with anyone who ever got rejected anywhere. I'm not gonna mention colleges ever again. I'm taking myself outta the loop.
SoCal, get ready. Hooray.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Balance
When working, don't forget to enjoy yourself. When hanging out, don't forget your prior commitments. Walk the middle way. How?
City Nights
Today I went to San Jose. It was about 5 pm, and I came out of the building, and the sun was setting. The wind was blowing, and it was starting to feel cold. Right before I was about to comment on this, I took in a breath. The smell was exhilarating. A big city smell. The smell that wafts into range right after landing in a big city. It tingled of adventure, and many busy people starting to turn in after a long day. Looking around, many people wearing coats walk swiftly down the street with a sense of purpose. This is the big city life I grew up in. This is the big city life I longed to return to. Cupertino has always been too small for my liking. There is no nightlife, not even the occasional sprint to the corner store for midnight snacks. It's a suburban area with a curfew. The only big items around here are tech companies, but those are silent at night. I realized what "City that Never Sleeps" really means now. It means a constant excitement. Now that I'm pretty much going to big city Los Angeles, I'm going to live in a big city like that. It's going to be so exciting. For the first few weeks, I'm barely going to sleep. But then, I'm going to get used to it, and homework is going to bog me down, and I'll miss this suburban area, where there are only deer and squirrels moving around at night. This almost brings tears to my eyes. I'm going to cry when I move. Really. I don't think I've ever thought of crying this much ever. This isn't bad crying though. It's peaceful. It's a longing, but not intense enough to cause pain. I will accept it, but for now, I'm just sad.
This is. The Start of. Goodbye.
This is. The Start of. Goodbye.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
"i got a free frisbee from the comcast guy."
cr. friend's status.
that's. just. hilarious. oh freebie stuffs xDDD
that's. just. hilarious. oh freebie stuffs xDDD
SHINee - JoJo
This song. my fav back then, when the light was dark and I wanted something cheerful to cheer me up. I watched their comeback stage, goodbye stage, and most in between. It was an amazing song.
I listened to this song a lot while doing college apps, wondering when they would ever end. Now they're over, I didn't apply to scholarships, and decisions have started arriving.
Memories.
DHT - Listen to your Heart
Last night, I had a headache. It's the same headache that's been plaguing me for days. The headache felt like a headache that happens when I don't sleep enough for a long enough time, and it confused me, because I've been sleeping my head off for a whole week now. Last night, I brushed my hand past my forehead, and it shocked me to find it super warm. Later, I found out that headache was from a fever. That means I've had a fever for so many days. I gotta really start listening to myself, and not assuming.
ps. yes. i know who it's dedicated to.
ps. yes. i know who it's dedicated to.
Things I was Too Scared to Dare Ask For
I never dared to ask for such a big event such as a college acceptance. I'd heard so much about UCLA.
The awesome buffet-styled food,
giant cavernous lecture halls,
a busy city school with stuff to do all the time
big school with lots of peers
tons of trees and calm ambiance
open grassland quad
ancient buildings that smell nice
old tomes in the library
everything.
During the visit, I totally ignored the tour guide, cuz I didn't want to know how much I'd be missing, and the pang in my heard when I heard I got rejected, it would be too much to bear. I held it all inside, and I never told anyone about it. My pride was on the line. I was supposed to be "smart", "intelligent", "lovable", "detached", and I just felt myself become more and more awkward. I hated the position, and I wanted to change it. I hate having to beg for something I really wanted. I hated having to placate myself to others. I wanted to be king/queen.
Last year, a couple of friends got into UCLA, and I looked up to them. I thought they were amazing, and immediately crushed any hope that I could be even close in ranking to them.
I changed myself to hide my real self. I didn't want anyone to see past my real faulty self. I wanted to keep up my image. I wanted to clean up my last days in high school, and make it seem like I actually made a difference.
I just want to thank everyone that has helped me these past few years. I couldn't have done it alone.
Thanks mom: all those late nights, and you worried about me all the way. I screamed, shouted, cried, felt alone, and you were there through it all. You criticized me, but I knew I deserved it all. I was way over my head, and I had to work it out.
Thanks dad: for not bothering me any of those late nights, when I was constantly jumpy and angry, for pushing me to higher achievements and taking me to places at all times of day, and for putting up with my rapid changes in attitude.
Thanks v: for being there for me all of junior year. We had every class together, and we pulled through together. Whenever I was wasting time on fb, you always scolded me, and it helped, I needed that kick.
Thanks s: for being my friend away from other friends, with which I could get a break from the normal run of things and have a bit of fun.
Thanks k: for being the constant reminder to have some fun, by constantly dragging me to events that I normally wouldn't have gone to.
Thanks a: for when I really wanted that, and I didn't know how to get it, so you helped, and guided me through it all. I really had a blast that entire time. Even though I lost sleep and was exhausted, it was euphoric.
Thanks m: for providing me with a sense that I was not all alone. For revealing your entire self to me, and for making it okay if I ranted or hated or whatever. For pulling me out and giving me perspective.
Thanks to everyone else: all teachers and everything. I have not forgotten you. Without the constant stream of people by my side, I would have had a completely different high school experience.
Thanks God/Almighty/Protector: I don't know which name you go by, but thanks for the luck and the way things all turned out. That was my biggest dream that I dared not recognize, and I am so glad that it turned out so well. I hope the best to be with you, and thank you just so much. I cannot even express in words this giant feeling of excitement that wants to hug everyone and everything in sight. Thank you.
I couldn't have done it without all of your help. I hope to thank each and every one of you in person when the time is right. Thank you all.
The awesome buffet-styled food,
giant cavernous lecture halls,
a busy city school with stuff to do all the time
big school with lots of peers
tons of trees and calm ambiance
open grassland quad
ancient buildings that smell nice
old tomes in the library
everything.
During the visit, I totally ignored the tour guide, cuz I didn't want to know how much I'd be missing, and the pang in my heard when I heard I got rejected, it would be too much to bear. I held it all inside, and I never told anyone about it. My pride was on the line. I was supposed to be "smart", "intelligent", "lovable", "detached", and I just felt myself become more and more awkward. I hated the position, and I wanted to change it. I hate having to beg for something I really wanted. I hated having to placate myself to others. I wanted to be king/queen.
Last year, a couple of friends got into UCLA, and I looked up to them. I thought they were amazing, and immediately crushed any hope that I could be even close in ranking to them.
I changed myself to hide my real self. I didn't want anyone to see past my real faulty self. I wanted to keep up my image. I wanted to clean up my last days in high school, and make it seem like I actually made a difference.
I just want to thank everyone that has helped me these past few years. I couldn't have done it alone.
Thanks mom: all those late nights, and you worried about me all the way. I screamed, shouted, cried, felt alone, and you were there through it all. You criticized me, but I knew I deserved it all. I was way over my head, and I had to work it out.
Thanks dad: for not bothering me any of those late nights, when I was constantly jumpy and angry, for pushing me to higher achievements and taking me to places at all times of day, and for putting up with my rapid changes in attitude.
Thanks v: for being there for me all of junior year. We had every class together, and we pulled through together. Whenever I was wasting time on fb, you always scolded me, and it helped, I needed that kick.
Thanks s: for being my friend away from other friends, with which I could get a break from the normal run of things and have a bit of fun.
Thanks k: for being the constant reminder to have some fun, by constantly dragging me to events that I normally wouldn't have gone to.
Thanks a: for when I really wanted that, and I didn't know how to get it, so you helped, and guided me through it all. I really had a blast that entire time. Even though I lost sleep and was exhausted, it was euphoric.
Thanks m: for providing me with a sense that I was not all alone. For revealing your entire self to me, and for making it okay if I ranted or hated or whatever. For pulling me out and giving me perspective.
Thanks to everyone else: all teachers and everything. I have not forgotten you. Without the constant stream of people by my side, I would have had a completely different high school experience.
Thanks God/Almighty/Protector: I don't know which name you go by, but thanks for the luck and the way things all turned out. That was my biggest dream that I dared not recognize, and I am so glad that it turned out so well. I hope the best to be with you, and thank you just so much. I cannot even express in words this giant feeling of excitement that wants to hug everyone and everything in sight. Thank you.
I couldn't have done it without all of your help. I hope to thank each and every one of you in person when the time is right. Thank you all.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Big Bang - Top of the World && Various Artists - Let's Go Seoul G20 Summit Song
YES I'M STILL IN AN ACCEPTANCE EUPHORIA. DEAL WITH IT.
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES!
Today, I meant to go online to rant about how someone basically called me ugly/fat to my face. If I wasn't under the pretense of being this kid's "friend", I woulda yelled at her right then and there.
Butttt, as I got home, I realized that I had gotten an email from UCLA. AND I GOT IN. IF THIS ISNT A JOKE, and I don't wake up feeling retarded, then it is a Godsend from Heaven. Thank you. Amen.
Butttt, as I got home, I realized that I had gotten an email from UCLA. AND I GOT IN. IF THIS ISNT A JOKE, and I don't wake up feeling retarded, then it is a Godsend from Heaven. Thank you. Amen.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sleeping
I know I sleep only a little. Like, 4 hrs per day if I'm really stressed out. But that should be enough. After sleeping for 12 hrs for a day on sunday night, I should be fine. apparently not.
Vandalism
Yesterday, I was taking a makeup test in class, and I moved to a different seat that I don't usually sit in, and I left my stuff at the seat I usually sit in. And when I got back, I realized that three of my "friends" had invaded my table and were drawing on my textbook. WHAT THE HELL. EXCUSE ME. but i gotta RETURN that textbook. How would you like it if I drew in YOUR TEXTBOOK? They even wrote happy erasing at the end of the semester. Well guess what. I erased it. yesterday. at midnight. In a confusion of exhaustion and near tears. I may seem loose at times, but I do have my limits and pet peeves. One of them is vandalism. I HATE when pplz do that. And when you do, I have no choice but to not call any of you friends any more. I could consider granting forgiveness to one of the pplz, cuz they tried to stand against them all, but the other two. Well. No. I will never reveal this hate to you, but I will hold that one speck of hate in my mind. You can go far, but you've gone too far. I will not forgive this time. Ask all you want. In fact, good luck. ps. I had to look up the word forgive, cuz I totally just forgot the word when it came to you. jsyk.
Quote
"you know, they say that you only end up keeping up with 8 high school friends in college max. i wonder who my 8 will be // lol i realized the things i want, the things i wish for, can never be bought. not even by bribes." -friend's status
my eight friends. why such a number? why not 9, or 7? What type of test was done to make this the number? Why not a nice round number like 5 or 10? Why 8? I enjoyed my high school experience, no matter how many bad days happened, no matter how many days I just wanted to punch everything. What eight friends will I leave behind? Just eight? How will I choose? This is so aklfsd. uh oh.
Also, the happiest things that one wants are also the most inexpensive. That is true. Perception is everything. This is all coming into a full circle. Today, I felt warm. Spring sports have finally started, and today, I came home and wore a tshirt, something I havent done for ages. I havent felt warm enough to take off my jacket after school for so long. Spring is really coming around, and everything I wanted to do by the end of high school, the time is short. I dunno how its gonna end. I dunno if I'll be happy. I know I try to live in the present, never looking back or planning too far forward, never trying to force anything, just taking things as is. I've been a bit more tired than I like to be, and thus more crabby and whatever lately, but I'm getting better. I'm sleeping more, and I'm recuperating. I know I'm not smart. I know that I will never be how certain overs can be. Thus, I've mostly given up being the best. I just want to live a normal life, and be okay.
"I'm a host of imperfection, but You see past all that." -friend's status.
to whoever who can do that, I am extremely grateful.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Time Runs too Fast
This year, I had such a blast at DECA. It was a four day conference, or about 3 full days. I spent so many hours laboring away at my powerpoint, my studying, my homework, but I also spent so much time with all my friends. I met so many new people and had so much fun. Although it was close to home, I got to really exist in an alternate universe and forget everything. To top it off, I got a few awards, putting that amazing bang at the end. Being at home, I realize this is the last states conference that I will ever go to. Thanks everyone for such a spectacular states conference. I will miss deca. I will miss everyone, no matter how many bittersweet moments we had together. My deca family forever. <333
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Excuses
I make too much of them. Just cuz I'm "young" doesn't mean I can't be succesful. I gotta fight for what I want. This is why, now I'm "grown up", and I'm highly fail. Great. No more excuses kiddo.
"不管你去做什麼事其實都是拿生命去換的"
-cr. friend's status
so agreed. and not even guaranteed success. it's so fail. Success is a game with no instructions.
what a nice way to end my high school career.
being a senior is being king of the mountain.
it's being perfect, with no regrets.
where did all of that go?
i failed. everyone, anyone,
but mostly
myself.
so agreed. and not even guaranteed success. it's so fail. Success is a game with no instructions.
what a nice way to end my high school career.
being a senior is being king of the mountain.
it's being perfect, with no regrets.
where did all of that go?
i failed. everyone, anyone,
but mostly
myself.
DECA States Part I
I'M AT STATES, WOOT.
All's good, and I just finished my presentation yesterday, and judge praised me, though idk to believe in it, cuz what if she's just faking it? I'm not bashing on the judge, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Today is roleplays, which Im totally gonna fail, cuz Im totally not studying right now xD. I'm tired. OMG I GOT FIVE HOURS for sleep yesterday xDDD it was amazingggg considering i havent gotten over 4 for like most of the week. >.> So like I saw a shoeshiner xD. It was cool, I never knew those professions existed around here :O.
Theres some stuff happening at home though. Some things that I should have been there to do something about, but i'm NOT THERE. hmm. idk.
AND ALSO. I had a pillow fight yesterday, but i realized pillowfights with 2 pplz are really boring. >.> also, I attacked after the other said time out, and she got mad at me, and then, after the pillow fight, she said she wouldnt talk to me for the rest of the night, and I just fell asleep after that, cuz it was like 2 am, so like, its morning, and we havent talked yet. whut. what if things are strained between us now? wiafadfsaf. ugh. and she slapped me, and then i was like whut, so i kinda slapped her back, but then, she said her arm hurts and she bruises easily. then dont go around slapping others then. ugh. idk how to approach her anymore. we were never really close anyways, its my friends friend, and ive only talked to her for a few times before states. this is gonna be in the back of my mind for the rest of the day now. aklsdf.
so not everythings good. yea. great. but everythings good. and i'm still hecka tired, and i'm going after 2nd place norcal winner for my roleplay, so im probably gonna lose. thats so stupid. i cant help we're from the same school and his name is always before me cuz its alphabetical order and his last name is earlier than mine in the alphabet. This is why i failed last time. cuz its contrast. ugh. and theres like 16-17 pplz in our event, and so its harder than last time, when i was guaranteed a spot onstage with 7 competitors. and the advisor is waiting for me to help sweep the event. and i WONT. he'll hate me for life. i'm so dumb. i shouldnt have signed up for this event. i can't possibly do it. AND i got senioritis. its a combo of me never being super ontask anyways, and anyways its my fault, i shouldnt have done this, im not that type of person, and i dont even really like numbers in the first place.sigh. we'll see how it goes. i probably bombed the test yesterday anyways.
and i know i gotta respect myself and all, and i do, its just, why do i keep doing this one extracurricular that i dont really even like anyways, and is a source of stress? its not even that impt after high school ends, and all the teachers and school hates how we all miss class cuz of comps.
anyways, there might be a part 2 or even more parts depending on my mood later this weekend/into next week. idk, but i'm prepping for it, so that i wont have to come back to change this post later. i'm supposed to be studying, otherwise catching up on sleep.
All's good, and I just finished my presentation yesterday, and judge praised me, though idk to believe in it, cuz what if she's just faking it? I'm not bashing on the judge, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Today is roleplays, which Im totally gonna fail, cuz Im totally not studying right now xD. I'm tired. OMG I GOT FIVE HOURS for sleep yesterday xDDD it was amazingggg considering i havent gotten over 4 for like most of the week. >.> So like I saw a shoeshiner xD. It was cool, I never knew those professions existed around here :O.
Theres some stuff happening at home though. Some things that I should have been there to do something about, but i'm NOT THERE. hmm. idk.
AND ALSO. I had a pillow fight yesterday, but i realized pillowfights with 2 pplz are really boring. >.> also, I attacked after the other said time out, and she got mad at me, and then, after the pillow fight, she said she wouldnt talk to me for the rest of the night, and I just fell asleep after that, cuz it was like 2 am, so like, its morning, and we havent talked yet. whut. what if things are strained between us now? wiafadfsaf. ugh. and she slapped me, and then i was like whut, so i kinda slapped her back, but then, she said her arm hurts and she bruises easily. then dont go around slapping others then. ugh. idk how to approach her anymore. we were never really close anyways, its my friends friend, and ive only talked to her for a few times before states. this is gonna be in the back of my mind for the rest of the day now. aklsdf.
so not everythings good. yea. great. but everythings good. and i'm still hecka tired, and i'm going after 2nd place norcal winner for my roleplay, so im probably gonna lose. thats so stupid. i cant help we're from the same school and his name is always before me cuz its alphabetical order and his last name is earlier than mine in the alphabet. This is why i failed last time. cuz its contrast. ugh. and theres like 16-17 pplz in our event, and so its harder than last time, when i was guaranteed a spot onstage with 7 competitors. and the advisor is waiting for me to help sweep the event. and i WONT. he'll hate me for life. i'm so dumb. i shouldnt have signed up for this event. i can't possibly do it. AND i got senioritis. its a combo of me never being super ontask anyways, and anyways its my fault, i shouldnt have done this, im not that type of person, and i dont even really like numbers in the first place.sigh. we'll see how it goes. i probably bombed the test yesterday anyways.
and i know i gotta respect myself and all, and i do, its just, why do i keep doing this one extracurricular that i dont really even like anyways, and is a source of stress? its not even that impt after high school ends, and all the teachers and school hates how we all miss class cuz of comps.
anyways, there might be a part 2 or even more parts depending on my mood later this weekend/into next week. idk, but i'm prepping for it, so that i wont have to come back to change this post later. i'm supposed to be studying, otherwise catching up on sleep.
Taeyang - Wedding Dress w/ Lyrics
This song. When I listen to music in another language, unless I really like it, I don't go and look up the lyrics in english. I never went and found the eng lyrics for this song. When i just read the lyrics, I just went whatttt I never knew i thought the storyline was totally diff. But anyways, I didn't know how well the intro to this vid fit in with life. Well, it is a bit cliche, a feeling that everyone has one time or another, and widely applicable, and this time, it resounds as well with everything, even some stuffs that friends are going through. wow. dangg. I have new respect for this song.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Keep Loving You 繼續愛 Fahrenheit (FULL VERSION)
I dunno why I even like this song. I don't really like this band's new image, and I didn't even really like their promo song, but for some reason, I really <3 this song. aflsdf
101128_GD,TOP,Taeyang_2010 Mnet Asian Music Awards_Live
cr. yglifeofficial on yt
just watchng this, and i gotta say. top's under a lot of pressure. he looks like he's gained weight, and he looks really stressed. When he strikes poses, he shakes a bit. His "cool" look looks strained a bit. He's obviously practiced the performance, but when he's supposed to make one clean snap movement, his arm hits the mark or something. I'm worried. Their official promos havent started yet, and theyve already made so many sales, though he looks kinda drunk and stagger-y. I hope he isnt getting sick or something. And those earpieces. They're like. triangles. erm. Don't those hurt? Or are those a fashion statement? cuz then it's creepy.
taeyang really likes those types of mics, eh? xDD he's so badass. hahha. but uhm. that's such a cute way to hold a gun. By the top? >.> hahha top. get it? TOP of the gun. xDD
ahha i get why gd is leader now. that guy has natural charisma. danggg. and his pants are so shinyy (: hahah i just realized. this vid is from like. the high high days. xD not now. xDDD 2ne1 in the audience! <333
omg gtops shoes are like flat platforms. xDDD theyre like so flat and so big. xDD like rafts! and gd's L sign? awesome (:
woah those backup dancers T^T. is that song one of those that cant be sold to little kids? i hope so T.T and top dancing :O
iris! xDDDD <3 the hallelujah song. though taeyang. you kinda dont belong. this is the gtop era, and like, since taeyangs so popular, he's gotta make an entrance. but he barely has any parts in the perf. at least they picked a good song, i guess? one thats popular and then, they take everyone out but taeyang. they should put daesung in. he sings the main chorus part (i think?) AND he's awesome xD
haha you can see the cameramen rushing around the stage xD
omg top. when he looks upward, the area under his eyes is totally like, swollen, even though its been cleanly covered up with tons of makeup. his forehead wrinkles make him look even more stressed.
8.22 gd is really tired too. he's like phew a time to relax. showbiz isnt all the glitz and glamour it seems to be. guilded. life is a guilded mess. top is sweating like crazy too. erm.
that floor. with a big bang symbol on it? that circle thing. 8.44. is that remade for every band that perfs there? if so, its kinda slippery, right? >.<
wait whats with the guns. it's just a pose? -_________- mkayyyy, well. i guess its cool looking.
FINALITY.
It's finally dawned on me how final graduation is. We will be adults done with public education soon. We will live on our own, provide for our own. No one will hold our hands anymore. It's too early. I can't. I can't leave yet. I haven't succeeded yet. I haven't made something out of my childhood. Everyone can make a difference, but I won't. It's too late. I'm just gonna be another American indebted to the credit unions, banks, government, everyone. Interconnected, and fighting to survive. Fighting a losing battle. And so here it starts...
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