Fanfiction

I stopped reading fanfic a while back, because I thought I was done with it. Fanfiction, and reading/stories in general serve to take me out of my normal environment, to whisk me away, and remove me from problems. I read the most when I feel down and/or uncertain. A while back, I felt that way, because I told my bf that we're plateau-ing and I was afraid he took it the wrong way, because he stopped talking to me for a while. A few days ago, my friends told me to either stop plateauing and move forward or cut the relationship. I thought about it for a while. A few days, to be exact. I finally reached the decision to stop the relationship. I went through so many excuses in my head. He's basically stopped talking to me, so he probably doesn't like me anymore, we can't go forward, our parents are iffy about the whole relationship, he deserves better, he's too far removed from me, I shouldn't be thinking about this so much, my grades are dropping, I'm having huge mood swings, etc. But, one friend asked, "so what if either he went out with another girl today. How would you feel?" And, I crashed. I couldn't. I..still have feelings. I'm back to fence-sitting. What's wrong with me? Why can't I decide? I'm so dumb. I need to straighten myself out. I need college to start, and I need to leave everything behind. I need to get offline and go sit in a corner. I need to squat down, hug my knees to my chest, and cry. I need to get under covers and play tent. I've started reading fanfic again, though I thought I was totally over it all. I'm such a mess. Great. I thought I was over this whole online thing, and back to being okay with reality. Well, I guess not.