Just Special Little Words/Phrases/Notes/Blah

"PFFUUUUU": This is like blowing hair out of your face. It's also extremely angry and being cute about it and all. It's just a pokeable phrase as well. xD

mho: my honest opinion :OOO
i thought it meant "my heart okay?" >.> fail

with = wif xD

jjong = waterworks xD, such a teary eyed individual xD

rn = right now
gah i need to learn my abbrevs

sekrits = secrets
onsica = onew + jessica, these pairings get so intense that i really dunno which is which anymore >.> please excuse my ignorance.


WHY = WAI = WAE

"whisked away" - woosh!

"Red, the color of passion, desperation. His Red. "- blood

The way her body twisted and the light reflected on the tiny droplets of sweat forming on her limbs was mesmerizing. = i dunno where this came from/if i made it up. It's just here. YAY

"It was only natural to be aroused by such a sensual display, but it still felt so wrong." by innocent intensity, a fanfic, well yea. it explains itself. xDD

"My heart is in the work" -Andrew Carnegie, from Carnegie mellon vid on yt

"call me biased, but his accent makes him that much better." -reference to kpop group, shinee probably

vitaemin: muahhaha this is what taemin has become, a username on tumblr

JSYK: i NEED ONE OF THESE THINGS xDDD jsyk = just so you knowww xD

Cute Puppy

d'awww (:

Friend's Mom's Birthday

"for 17 years i never told you the words 'i loved you' or expressed my love in any shape, size, or fashion. and for the next 17, i still wont.
but today, i hope you were able to get a glimpse of my heart.
happy birthday my mommy"

 d'awwww (: the first 2 lines = so d'awww, i'd be so happy if I was your mommy (:

VIP vs. KiKwang

I just read a post in which people are comparing the two. Personally, Onew is my bias in shinee, and kikwang is my bias in beast. :OOO

EDIT: VIPs are also Big Bang fans. I know that. But I also know that Onew is my personal bias.

Behind the Scenes After Lucifer Performance

I realized Onew looks muscular and all, but he really does not have so strong of a body. Plus, given that he's tired a lot as well, and he was just sick and all, he really isn't up to par. On stage, he looks all awesome and masterful at the dance, but offstage, he pants for so long. He always tones down the panting onstage, but offstage, it's a completely different Onew. And having to interview and look cool too? And be the leader of such a talented group? Hold the images of all 5 of them? Yea. I definitely admire onew. He's such an awesome leader. Others criticize him for his super obsession of chicken and overeating, and how he's chubbier than the others, and how his sangtae means he's stupid and all, but really. I think he looks healthier than the other members whose bones are protruding. He eats all the time, but its mostly like fruit and all, stuff that never makes you fat anyways, just gives him the essential vitamins and minerals he needs. His sangtae? It's cute and lovable. I like chicken too, there's nothing wrong with liking something a lot. Jjong even likes a certain person a lot. Shinee is human too. Key had trouble holding his laughs back. They're just adolescents, that are marketed as idols, but really, they're as human as us. They have fun, they listen to music, they have their bad times, they have their quirks. And I dunno about anyone else, but I know that that image they carry isn't their true selves. and I dunno about anyone else, but I know that I love their normal selves as well as their stage persona. It's all part of who they are. and that goes for everyone I've come to love and cherish, however much they might have hurt me in the past, present, or will do so in the future. We're all human. We deserve to be loved.

Friendships

There's been 2 parallel situations going on. Both include one friend totally bailing and not talking to their friend, which is totally hurting that friend.

One of the situations, well lets just say I know both the pplz involved. Both are listening to songs/announcing songs they listen to to the public.

Friend left behind:


Friend moving on:


how their music tastes reveal...xD

Bound by Time

I like to be more freelance. Don't make me adhere to a schedule. I will rebel. It's just not who I am.

Caring Deep from the Heart

"it was someone you cared about, and that was all that mattered"

It's not how much they do or invest in you, its the amount you invest in them. That's the amount that comes back to you. Bonds are peculiar things.

Hamlet Actors

I was just reading some Hamlet for our in-class essay tomo :OOO, and I realized how hard actors/entertainers in general have it. They have to work so hard, and feel so sucky behind the scenes for just a few seconds of limelight. I think I've touched on this before [click here], how shinee works so hard, and how much we should appreciate their efforts, and now, I've developed that point. It feels as if, you don't deserve the victory. It's a bitter victory. It's like, entertainment requires a bunch of people behind the scenes, and the artists can't totally claim the victory as their own. Plus, they've probably had so many fights and stuffs behind the scenes, and so, they feel horrible about this thing already in the first place. It's like, you know, when you do something wrong, and you don't really want to admit it, so you just kinda brush it off to the side and hope it doesn't rear its ugly head again. They've probably tried to brush it off so many times, and now, pplz are applauding them for something that's imperfect. It's like trying to edit an essay that really just needs to be rewritten. You hate the essay to its guts when you're editing. And now, pplz are applauding you for something you hate. It gives a great sense of happiness, but also, unsatisfaction. It's, painful. >.>

Seungri - V. VIP

just looking at his mv, and this is such HUGE evidence about how materialistic our society is. he has PERSONALIZED CREDIT CARDS. omg. what a choice for an mv. xDDD

and idk if im just daesung/shinee biased, but like, seungri's stare just isnt as electrifying as the lucifer one >.>

Talking Fast :O

dang the rap in this song is so fast. :OOOO

In The Arms Of an Angel - Sarah McLaughlin

This song is so sweet. It's so slow and melancholy, and so meaningful, especially in light of what has happened lately, what with my funky friend shifting and all. yea.

Dancing

Dude you need an attitude to be an awesome dancer. [teehee i only said that cuz it rhymes and sounds cool xD] Taemin for example. He does his popping thing, and it looks different from all the other shinee members even though they're doing the same routines cuz he has his special interpretation to the dance. Taemin's moves are especially awesome cuz he has an explosive character. He's not afraid to express himself, and throws himself into the dance. He exaggerates everything, the smoothness of the gliding in between the rip-roaring breaks after hitting a position. His hair and facial expressions also help. He's so intense when dancing, especially compared to Onew's fluffy personality. It's so different, yet so alike. The OnTae <3. It's just excellent. What can I say. Vid below for perusal. The coordi noonas decided to make taemin wear "ziplock bags" apparently, though i think they're just pieces of thick plastic? >.>

Big Fans

Wow. Shinee knows their biggest fans already and MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THEM. :OOO

Rock.

Immovable.
Immutable.
Crushed by snow,
Burned by sun,
Pushed by wind,
And still standing.

SHINee Remix Lyrics

SHINee with you
Dance with me
Just gonna be with you baby
Whisper of the crazy party
SHINee with you
Come with me
Just gonna be with you baby
Whisper of the crazy party.
Let me tell you this song is the Lucifer
I'm never gonna give you up
We are the SHINee SHINee SHINee SHINee
Never gonna let you down.
Let me tell you this song is the Lucifer
I'm never gonna give you up
We are the SHINee SHINee SHINee SHINee
Never gonna let you down.
cr. justmii009

 <3 the new remix lyrics (:

Too Much to Do

Hey SM,

I admire how much you have helped shinee to do so well in the entertainment industry, and how they're at a new high in their fame right now. They have shows and musicals and dramas and everything wanting them left and right, and they don't really have time to themselves. They just one mad rush all the time. Their voices are cracking left and right, and they look really strained singing live, not to mention the super hard lucifer dance moves they have to execute. Even their UFO replies seem kinda rushed and just doing something for the heck of it to get it over with. They don't seem to have fun anymore. They sometimes just sound really stuck and annoying now, like they go onto the fansites just to boost their ego cuz they're hurting so much inside. Just give them some time to calm down and sleep, a vacation, or something like that. They are just human after all. They would appreciate it very much, and shawols would appreciate it even more. Being a fellow busy kids, we know what the mad rush its like right before a huge event, and we wouldn't want shinee to suffer through it. Plus, we would like quality performances over the quantity any day.

Thanks,
yayforsquealies

"You are my Sunshine."

I. Can't. Look. At. This. Phrase. In. The. Eye. It brings back so many memories of a certain person whose last name is sun, and who everyone said was my sunshine. The sun that shines no longer leaves me with the icy wrath of darkness. Thanks.

PS. Just wanted you to know: Time is slowly helping me create my own artificial light. You lose.

Music.

An ongoing journey. Continuously adding, never deleting. Just storing all the memories up. Even when I totally change and go to college, I'm going to still keep my old playlists, and my old music. All of it is precious to me. Each one represents a certain state of mind. To be able to relish in that, years from now, is an one-of-a-kind feeling. I know that I hate certain phases of life, and I just really want to forget other ones, but music usually doesn't bring back the bad feelings, just the good. I want that type of keepsake to last. Shinee will always be a part of me, even when they disband. I may not be such a crazed shinee fan, but they will always hold a place in my heart, like ss501, fahrenheit, danson tang, and all those other songs always will. <3

SICK.

GRARG. It totally sucks to be sick. I never have energy, sleep all day, and still wake up tired. My whole body is spots of super cold or super warm, never anything in the middle. My throat feels parched and dry, but when I swallow, I feel like I'm rubbing two pieces of sandpaper together.

Artists

I realize, how hard it is for artists such as the shinee band. They don't have lives. Their lives consist of hard work  and training behind the scenes for months and months, just for a few seconds in the spotlight. Those few moments = everything for them. They live for them. It's like, all their lives condensed into teeny bits of extreme awesomeness, and the rest is all horrible. With such a giant woosh back and forth, no wonder they are kinda kapfapkfapwef sometimes. After artists have been popular for a while, you can see the background pain that laces their faces. Their eyes are longing, and their smiles are forced. It's so sad. I'm starting to see it in shinee, and it makes me so sad. Their lives are one giant hectic craziness, with tons of intense training, but with only so few dots of happiness. I dunno about anyone else, but I think its better to just have a more stable, not as happy life, but with more happier everydays? The least we can do is to keep supporting shinee and make sure theyre not as sad. This is why jjong cried when the taiwanese fans said it was okay. I don't think artists really consider their followers that much, because the followers only know the packaged talent that the company gives them, not really their personalities underneath. That shawols can be strong in such a time is so amazing. Jjong thought he lost so many followers, but in reality, the ones remaining are happier for him than before. Jjong is one of the more straightforward ones, but the others ones must have their pains as well. Thanks for working so hard for us shinee. Don't overwork yourselves, and please be happy. We may love your music, but we also care about you all as people.

Netherlands Represent!

Although this blog is in english and all, I had lots of viewers from the netherlands today. WOOT! Love all of you! <3

Double-Sided

woah key really knows how to tone it down, after such a hyper shinee first concert. The way he gets offstage is like, so modest, meek even. I guess there are two sides to each person.

Friendship Circles

I was recently reading the friendship circles between all the shinee members on tumblr, and I realized that I do have different relations with many of my friends, which is very obvious with my close friends.

I am very happy to have two very awesome friends. They both care for me, and depend on me, and I hope never to disappoint them in their time of need.

I always listen to songs and watch movies and I see people that have besties that know them inside and out, and they always hang out together and all. I always envied them, because I wanted to have that person who would always be by my side, whatever I did, however smart or dumb, always accepting me, never judging me, just letting me be myself. I always thought that would be cool, to have someone I could confess to. Now, I believe I've gotten very close to a few very good friends. We hang out like every day. It's not an annoying thing, it's fun. It's almost creepy how well we are able to read each other. It's amazing.

I'm just going to go see Tangled with them just about now. (:

I also have another friend, she's kinda different than the other two great friends I have. She's been with me longer, and although I never really actually did anything schoolwork related with her, she's such a great refresher from the life I usually live. I can tell her all my events of the day, and she can objectively talk about things with her. Even if I'm kinda reserved near my two other friends, I don't ever have to be near her. She's so amazing in this way. We have a friendship that we don't talk everyday, and the relationship is not in your face, and even when we do talk, it's online and all mostly. We lead different lives, but we are always able to connect.

I really like ALL MY FRIENDS. I value each and every one of you, even if you're not one of the ones listed above. No one is discounted here. I may talk about these 3 great friends now, but I could be talking about you tomo. Who knows. These are the couple of friends that sustained me through the drama that happened this weekend, and I'm very happy to have them today. Thank you. <3

Jjong goes to see Kyuhyun Musical

It's nice to see jjong being himself and supporting friends. He looks so cute without all the hairstyling/makeup/everything. it's refreshing. He's so normal, yet cool. I feel bad that he has to walk around with security all the time to evade fangirls, and not live a normal life. He has to take having fun at work with his amazing talents or having a normal life and being able to sleep. i dunno how they survive without sleep. seriously.

boyband and girlband colour code

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=475780825834&comments

Excuse my ignorance, but I had no idea.

Being Needy

Not really like being sticky, though kinda like, keeping friends with you, by making memories together. I know that I usually talk to people cuz of work and all, and I never really talk to them after that. It kinda hurts. I want to continue relationships, but I never know how to continue them, because everyone's so busy, and they probably don't want to waste time with me and will consider me annoying. I've kinda gotten a "reputation" for being like that too. >.>

Reasons to Like Jonghyun

"Anonymous: What do you like about Jonghyun? And when did you start liking him?(:
heheh, i fell in like with jonghyun the moment i saw him!
and i guess i could point you to this question, but i guess i’ll give you a little more. physically, i love jonghyun’s mouth and lips. it’s something weird and stupid to like, but when he’s got a smile on… it’s gorgeous. i love his mannerisms, how he kind of turns the tail end of his long notes into little growls, how he’s stupidly left handed and right handed at the same time but not really? i like how he has 5 alarm clocks and sleeps with his eyes just the tiniest bit open. but mainly, i like his passion and his dedication. people see minho as the one who always wants to win a game, but i think jonghyun wants to win just as much as him, just in other things. i feel like jonghyun wants to win the right to have companies use his songs, like he needs to prove himself to himself and when he’s failed, he doesn’t stop, he tries again. people see him as the cocky one, but honestly, i feel like he’s the one that needs most reassurance, he really does seem like he needs someone to touch him, to ground him and reassure him, that’s got to be why he likes skinship so much. he needs someone to tell him that he’s doing well so that he can keep doing it. he’s silly and let’s be honest, he gets made fun of the most, but he likes to joke around and he takes it to build himself back up again. he’s hopeless and wonderful at the same time. what’s there not to like? :)"  cr: -jonghyun

I really like jjong's mouth too, though I also like his chin, and how "s. korea can fall off his chin" xDD. Also, I like jjong's mannerisms too, and his aegyo, hotness, silliness, everything. I can see jjong being paranoid with alarm clocks like that xDDD he acts laid back, but I can totally see the "passion" and "dedication". He's a role model for me in this way. He wants to prove to himself that he is good, and I'm so happy that he's so successful. He does seem like he needs grounding, like the cockiness is just for show cuz he's insecure about himself. I totally get it. Everyone feels insecure. I do too. Sometimes, I just want someone to hold me. The feeling is amazing. jjong, we blingers all <3 you.

Dapper

i just saw a post where someone called shinee "dapper young gentlem[e]n"
dapper! (: <3 the wordchoice xDD

Comments

This comment made me so happy today!

"i think you're sweet that you backtrack through all of my posts ♥ stay beautiful and lovely, and thank you :)" ~almightyjuly

kyaaaa (: I really like your posts. Even though you've never seen me before, thanks for calling me "beautiful and lovely" <333

Home

"january sixteenth, twenty-eleven.


home is where the heart is when the leaves don't sink or fall, but my heart is so exhausted and two sizes too small."

cr: jonghyunnie.tumblr.com

so agreed. so like. i just came back from deca. I failed. well not totally. I got onstage and all, and I got into top 8, but I've done the same general topic for 4 years. I've done the same comp for 2 years. People who've done that comp for that long have gotten 1st place. easily. but as for me, i didn't even get into top 3. Our adviser was counting on me to lead the other two members from our chapter into a sweep for our school in this event. The other two members got 1st and 2nd place, and what did I get? I got like 4th. wth. I am so horrible. I've let so many people down. Not only that, but I worked hard. I barely slept for the past two weeks. I want to get something back. After the awards ceremony, I was "doing hw", but really, I just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. Plus, my friends "borrowed" my calculator and my pencil, both of which i really like using, and then lost them. Thanks. Just saying. Also, I didn't place on the business plan I worked so hard on. I worked harder on my business plan than on my series event. Neither did i get anything for the business math, econ and deca knowledge test, all of them which i took hours out of my day to take, and forego going out and chillin', even though they convinced me otherwise. And i'm afraid my partner is going to be like, oh we didn't win, so let's just drop this comp now. I actually really like spending time with my partner, and I'm really gonna miss her presence later on, if she stops competing. She's so reliable, compared to my unstable self, and I really want to thank her for everything she's done. I know all good things will come to an end, and I'm prepared to take it, and live strong through it.

i'm really glad to be home. a lot of drama happened last night, and I just want to get away from it all. We had some drug problems and going into the opposite gender's rooms, which resulted in a bunch of pplz getting in trouble and some even being sent home, and also the fog machine during the dance made the smoke alarm go off, which a;; but freaked me out. Also, my friend with high heels tripped and had to ice her ankle, and our chapter's obnoxiousness that really embarrasses me, and i've eaten with my partner and her family so many times, and her mom is always the one who pays, and I need to repay her, and I intended to do so during norcal, but I totally forgot because I have so many things on my mind, and there are so many things gone wrong. my partner tried to cheer me up, and I really like her for doing that. I always enjoy a good pillow fight. I want to be normal again, but i really don't know how. I don't want to further trouble her, but I can tell she's worried. I've gotten too close to be able to cover everything up. she can always tell how I feel.

I want to be alone again, and just sleep everything off. my heart needs to have a break, and it's true. time at home doesnt go according to time, but to moments. I know everyones kinda feeling iffy right now, and it's the ripe time to be all nice and caring, but really, i'm wrapped up in my own beeswax. I'm really happy for everyone that had a great time and all at deca, and even those who won, though I feel like my smiles aren't really genuine. I really do feel happy for you guys though. I've just got a lot on my mind. My heart seems to have gotten smaller that way. It's icy. >.> I've got barely any hw, true, but I do have a bunch of other comps to do for math-y, science-y comps and do all that financial aid stuffs for college. Plus, since my grades were so sucky last semester, i feel an obligation to do better this semester. I also feel others kinda prying into my business, and I feel really exposed. There are certain things I barely reveal to anyone, and I don't really want others cross-analyzing me to find out more than I want them to. Life has too many layers, and some need to stay hidden. I'm a more quiet kid, and I need my personal space. I bet if you knew all of me, you would hate me.

I'm so stressed that I can barely sleep. I have this thing in which I can only sleep for a few hours at best, before waking up and not being able to sleep anymore, though I'm really tired, and when I stand up, my head spins and I have a horrible headache. I try not to complain, but my body language says otherwise. I'm always forgetting things, and I feel so hopeless. I'm so exhausted. I'm tired of being inferior, of being second-hand. I know I have high expectations, but what can I say. I'm just tired. really.

Plus, I feel kinda sick. One of my friends is "kinda sick", which means she was sick before, and only "kinda sick" now. She was eating Airborne yesterday though, so hm. She said it was preventive measures. I knew I had a fermenting sick period coming up, and I wanted to delay it to after norcal. This morning I woke up with a scratchy throat. It wasn't completely sore though, just kinda scratchy, and I felt disoriented. Maybe its cuz we slept with the ac on and thin blankets, or maybe cuz my friend gave me her cold, or maybe I've just been too stressed/sleeping little/eating at weird times/not caring for myself/blah, but I could be getting sick soon. It's not anything new to get sick, and it's like the perfect time, cuz its so down time now, and I have the mlk jr. holiday, day off from school tomo, so yea, but yea. I don't even know what I want. This is so depressing. >.>

Fanclub Names

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100706003637AAUQnRy

shawol and mvp. woot. too bad im not a noona.

At Norcal!

 so, I'm officially at norcal! <3
Today was a horrible day. Well, not completely horrible. I was concentrating so much on doing well in competitions and at school and in testing in general and all, that I totally forgot to pack a bunch of stuffs into my suitcase, and had to go back to get it, then, when we finally got onto the road, it was already really late, and we were late to get to norcal premises and all. Gah. Then, after getting there, the test was pretty simple and all, but then, during the opening ceremony, I realize that I didnt download any roleplays to practice. >.> Then, I got saved by free internet. :OOO Yea. And so, now I'm online and all. I really want to win something at norcal. It's my last year, and I want to make it special. Yea.

Quote

"It is curious--curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare." --Mark Twain, found on friend's chat status yes, i do have a life outside of blogspot

Sleeping over on a school night

It feels so weird! :OOO
It's like, I have to wake up in the morning, and go to school. And like, at my house, if I wake up right before school on a late start day, everyone is already up and awake, and at my friend's house, everyone's still asleep. Shhh. xD Hahaha. Okay, I'mna leave for school soon.

Tired

I'm so tired, because I've been sleeping for an average of three hours a night to do my DECA plan for norcals. It really is horrible to sleep so less. I can barely function at all during the day. I feel really bad for Onew, if he can only sleep for three hours a day normally. My tablemate in math was right. People need more than four hours of sleep. No one can sleep less than that, whatever what they claim. So. Damn. Tired.

Anyways, here is a short funny thing just to get the laughs going.

♫ "you can say almost anything as long as you add jk to the end of the sentence" ~friend. So true. I do this all the time. I make up random stuff, then I say jk just to not lose my credibility. Yay. xD

"dear tongue, CAN't TOUCH THIS sincerely, Elbow": friend. amazing quote.
I want one of those shirts with the graph on 1/x on it, and "can't touch this" on the bottom. GAHH. such a nerd. xD

Quote

"As useless as a snooze button on a smoke alarm" Yes. Brilliant. I'm never gonna be able to get back to sleep with one of those around. Perfect for finals season. XD

Guess What Guess What?

So I was watching this thing about shinee, and they all loudly proclaimed that they didnt have girlfriends. I DON'T EITHER! CUZ I'M A GIRL! I so sound like a loner. xD

Shinee Jonghyun - My Everything

Oh Jonghyun. <3 Your english is so cute! xDDD I know how they lyrics are like, depending on one person. I'm just gonna ignore that part of the lyrics, and listen to jonghyunnie's talent. YAY.

Onew's Eyes

I really like them. They're really heartwarming. (:

Shinee Swing Characters

They're all swingy, but onew and taemin especially.

Key = forever diva
Jonghyun = forever smexy, hot kid
Minho = forever the compettive, and hot in that way kid
Taemin and Onew = can be cute and hot = swing characters

Working While Annoyed

It doesn't work. I'm trying to work on homework, but I'm really just getting more and more pissed off. I want to be removed from it all. GRR. More time wasting to follow, which is going to make me even more cranky when I actually do do hw, cuz then I'll be tired and cranky. Great. Just great. =.=

Celebrities wearing suits/having manliner

Since they always wear them and look so comfortable wearing them, I guess I kind of just assumed that they were used to it. I guess not. While looking at their dry rehearsals, I realize that all of them are as normal as we are. We are all humans. We all dress comfortably. Like for example, I'm dressed in jeans and a tshirt, with a jacket on top. Normal clothes. Celebrities wear the same thing basically, when offstage/dry rehearsal, like normal people. I wear formal and semi-formal, depending on the situation. Same for them. I've worn my formal wear for so many times now, I look comfortable, I guess, though definitely not as comfortable as I would have been in my pajamas. I wear makeup, blah blah, and I kinda just forget about it, cuz it doesn't bug me or anything, so I guess that looks normal. We're all just human, and they just have a different job than us.

Shinee whispers on stage to each other

First of all, these probably aren't whispers, but just normal talking, and since they're so far away/its so loud, we can't hear what they are saying to each other. It shows that they're a very tightly knit group and human, and are actively making comments/jokes I guess, that show their cool observations. It also makes fans jealous. We know its probably some random thing that totally does not need to be said, like when onew was receiving golden disk awards and going oh, we put on diff makeup for lucifer xD. It's like when my friends and I watch a movie, and we're constantly commenting. I guess its like that, but really. I dunno. Don't take my word for it. I wanna know too, and I'm not being stalkerish at all right now.

greenew

It's a fangroup for onew! cuz onew's green in their love like oxygen mv, and thats like his color!
I really like how the name onew is easy to fit into other words xD The names are brilliant. Kudos for everyone who spends time thinking of/making them! (:

Repression

The 19th Century is known to have been a repressed time. I can't help but think that today's society is also repressed , but in different ways. Today, I answered the phone, and I had to act all professional when talking. This requires a lot of control, even when the caller is being mean and all, I have to talk in a gentle voice, even when I'm sticking up my middle finger inside. Though, to live in such a repressed era like the Victorian era, I couldn't manage. I would crack one day. Thank goodness they had literature to express themselves with. Imagine, art was considered bad for women, because it made them veer off the right way. Well guess what. I <3 art. I like blogging which is basically the art of writing. I like reading and enjoying good fanfiction and books, as well as listening to shinee. All part of them are part of the arts. I dunno what I would have done. Thank goodness for all these movements. We are somewhat freer, especially in comparison to history.

Having a Stable Thing to Latch Onto

This sounds like the perfect solution to insecurities. Whether something is going wrong, and you need something to make you feel good, or maybe you just feel like you're over your head, and you want something familiar. Either way, you need something that makes you feel good, safe, valued, all those positive feelings. I feel like I've spent my whole life doing the same thing. Whenever something goes wrong, I have to do something that feels good to balance out the negative feelings. Right now, my thing is fangirling over Shinee and having their "godlike" images soothe me. I'm really jumpy though. I change my interests a lot. Call me unstable, call me bubblehead, call me shallow, call me blonde, call me anything. Guess what. I am what I am. I spend a bunch of time looking for something constant that will always make me happy, and that one thing that I thought I could keep constant, changes. Then, I become really sad for a while before I start the process all over again. I used to latch onto things/people really hard, then would be really hurt when I was rejected, but now I know better. I don't latch on as tightly, giving my inner heart a little bit of space, so I'm not devastated. I focus my inner strength to be independent. I dunno why I'm suddenly feeling like I should stop latching onto things and feel the roller coaster of emotions. Haven't I been constantly telling everyone to live life as it comes at you? To experience emotions to the fullest? Life isn't going to wait for you if you decide that you want to wait. I'm not going to remember a lot of the bad experiences either, dulled by time. I am going to remember the really happy times, and how amazing life is at the end. I dunno. Even music tells people to exaggerate dynamics, in dance, the popping must be precise and astounding, unpredictable. Whenever I comment on something, I usually take the hyperbolic path, when I comfort someone, I overdo it to make sure the person feels appreciated. I'm not so sure that everyone does the same back to me though. People are criticizing me for being too "girly", and too "overexaggerated", and a "drama queen". Guys are like, oh that girl who makes fail jokes. Sorry if I'm trying to make everyone feel better and loosen the atmosphere. Sorry if I'm trying to act a bit awesome so that people can like me. I want to feel accepted too. I'm only human after all. This is why I really like jinki. He's such a strong leader. I hate how people bash him all the time. He can provide comfort for the other members, even when he's reeling on the inside. I try to do that too, but sometimes I just feel like a bottomless pit. I put on bright, multicolored nail polish, just to change things up a bit, and now, what. People think I'm changing. They ask me when I'm going to take it off. Can't I be a girl, and still be accepted? Do I have to keep a low profile, because that's my image? I know I usually keep quiet, just because I don't have much to say, and I'm not in the best condition. But guess what. Sometimes, I want to be in the spotlight too. Just because me and my friends are kinda touchy feely and hug each other/link arms to make each other feel accepted, does not mean we are gay. We are normal. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. I have a lot to do, and I'm kinda backlogged. Deadlines are coming up. I'm always tired. I'm under a ton of pressure. I really liked this one pic I saw about this girl that said, she sleeps a lot because she doesn't destroy her world further when she's asleep. I feel like, I'm kinda doing the same thing, avoiding everything. I read actual books to whisk me away from real life. I read fanfiction. I follow guys from halfway across the world. All to get away from life. And yet, it comes back to haunt me. I dunno if its just me, but I've started to cry a lot more too. It just hurts. This suffocation of the heart. I really admire people who are able to put it all out there. Even though I wear red on the outside, I feel like I'm enshrouded in black on the inside. [It's actually a good color scheme :O.] Not even the hot black that shinee is in, but the black of feels like I have nowhere to go. I dunno what to do. sigh. It's really sucking. I'm not making sense. I'm jumping all over place. Just had to get this out. Thanks for listening. Peace. I'm out. yayforsquealies.

Fanfic: http://jinki-condition.livejournal.com/9245.html#cutid1

Kibum walked over to the refrigerator and opened the big, white door. He looked inside for something to eat. He didn’t know what came over him as he began to reach for everything in site that he could carry. He grabbed the vegetables, the fruits, the cheeses, anything his young hands could grab at.
He carried his feast over to the kitchen table and laid everything out, shoving his History homework to the side that would be long forgotten. The young boy began to shovel food in his mouth, trying to solely concentrate on eating.
Kibum wasn’t quite sure what made him do this, but he couldn’t stop. He felt like he could control something for once. Something he could decide to stop. He couldn’t help himself as he shoved more and more food into his mouth, not knowing how to stop.
The dark-haired boy swallowed down what he could, feeling content for a second. But knowing his luck, sudden dread fell over him. His eyes dilated when he turned around and saw his father standing there; dropping the bag of chips in his hands on the table. 
 Yanking at any satisfaction possible, even if it hurts in the long run. Guilty pleasures. :(

a) he could control this and b) because he knew if he ended up getting fat his father would yell and beat him even more than he had today. 
after being rejected from something I wanted badly, I always feel the need to do something good for myself, usually something I am in control of, and to make myself more "accepted", though in this case, its being more accepted by his dad. it's a universal thing, that transcends.


He took in a shaky breath, leaning forward to flush away his evidence. He pressed down on the silver handle, hearing the bowl come to life and cleanse itself. ‘Funny,’ Kibum began to think, ‘If only I could simply flush myself like that and all my problems would cleanse themselves away from me.’
I have this wish TOO. People think I have no problems, but actually, I have a ton of problems. I just am a bit better at concealing them, like makeup covers up blemishes. Sigh. I even have nail polish on right now, to make my disgusting, bitten nails

the ending: I had tears in my eyes. At least they'll be happy together in the next life.  

Short Posts

I've been posting really short and shallow posts these days. This is really bugging me, and I really want to post longer posts, but I can't, because I don't know what to write, neither do I have the time and energy to post long things.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I have 8 hr school days, and 2 hrs of DECA groupwork after that. Then, I've got to sleep for 12 hours. With the 24 hours in a day, I only have 2 hours to myself, and even then, that's used to eat/shower/brush teeth and scramble through homework, all the normal daily activities that I do. There isn't any time to write a long post, nor think of one, because I'm exhausted by 6PM everyday. I have to get like 12 hours of sleep every other day, and the days that I don't spend sleeping, I spend finishing up backlogged homework.

I don't know why I'm so tired. Maybe I'll be better next week. Who knows. I really am in a "idunno" stage.

Kpop Words

I can no longer thiink of certain english words without a different meaning anymore. xD
Like "shiny" = SHINEE (FTW!)
and "fantastic" = someone say elastic!
yes, yt comments are the best xD, more to come, probably xD

Onew Chicken

Okay I know that everyone's like, Onew = chicken! yay! and then he's known for his sangtae, so whenever anyone does something dumb, they go oh! Onew's infected them! >.> Onew has his good places too. He's really good at perfs, great at dancing and singing, and a great person too. His personality is really nice. Just cuz he isn't all fanservice-y like jjong doesn't mean that he isn't an awesome character as well. Since he's leader, and doesn't have to uphold that whole "can't lose" attitude like some of his other bandmates' images, the company always makes him lose when they have inter-band competitions. He's always good natured about it, and still has fun.
I'm just giving Onew some love here. I've seen a bunch of imaging and all for the concert, and its kinda getting on my nerves. Get creative and do something original for onew, just like you would do for any other shinee member. That being said, I'mna think of something original to post for onew, as soon as I wrap up this hectic schedule I have now.

YouTube Comments

omg i <3333 comments on yt. I even learned a new word! :OOO

WONEWLEVERINE!!: it means wolverine onew! a new hot concept that shinee has!

GD & Top, they recently had an album together thats getting so much love even now. theyre now referred to as "GTOP". Brilliance. xD

QuestCrew!

I had all but forgotten my <3 for Quest Crew for so long. But since I have just renewed that, go support Quest Crew! YAY QUEST CREW! -wooshes arms around- xDDD

Whack - a - Dino

When jjong keeps popping in and out of the stage during the lucifer perf in the 1st world concert xDDDD
oh i <3 yt comments xDD

Facebook, a Tool for the 21st Century?

This piece of news is amazing. I just found info, valuable info, on facebook. :O I'm even citing the source, as a valuable source. :OOOO

Hello Baby Shinee Version

I just rewatched a clip from that, because a wanted to see where a gif from tumblr came from. I forgot how amazingly addicting this show was. It's made me smile like an idiot after a few minutes even though I'm watching it the second time, I'm tired, and in a bad mood. The power of this show. - bows -

The part where they're playing a korean version of red light, green light is so cute! (actually all parts are cute, but this is the part that i'm watching right now xD), so anyways, they really know how to play like kids, though minho's athletic, competitive side makes it so interesting xD plus, onew gets caught, then he holds key's pinky like a kid, kyaaaa (:

Cityville

Now it has clouds! Those of you who have fb, check it out! :O

Images

A lot of people say kpop idols are people that look the same as anyone else, and the only reason they look a little bit better is because they have makeup on. Well. Guess what. Everyone looks mostly the same. We all have 99% the same genes anyways. The differences are all pretty much the same standard deviation away from each other. Some of those differences look better than others, its true, but that depends on how you look at it. Some people think that certain traits are "hot", while others think that trait is dumb. Well, guess what if it has to come down to that, I think shinee's traits are awesome. They all look good.

Plus, it's not all about the looks. Shinee is talented. They're so young, and yet they're already having their own concerts and all. :O Other groups may be better, sure, but theyre also older.

Maybe if people will think in that way more, then they will like kpop better.

Inspirational Quote

"you know what they say, life aint always easy and every day we're survivors" ~tania9211


it's true. I just came back from a sleepover, and I'm exhausted. gnite good morning kids.

College Admissions Finds New Boundaries

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2010/01/01/university_of_chicago_gets_earful_over_cheeky_essay/
cr. my prospective uchic friend

Wow. That needs guts. I can't believe he got in. :O