Obsession by Shinee was an amazing song when it came out, and I still like to listen to it on my iPod, as one of my favorites. I didn't really understand why SHINee didn't make a MV for it or anything, when it is clearly one of the best songs in the album. Now I know. And, I am so excited!! I like. NEED. to see this.
Friday, November 26, 2010
i have a ton to say today
I kinda get the feeling that shinee is gonna break up soon, and it will be inevitable. it makes me so sad :(
jjong is off with his ballad group and his gf
onew is off with his musicals and hosting of mc
he has a ton of radio shows and all that he goes alone and solos/duets with a bunch of people
who knows what the rest are doing in the wings
and theyre not young anymore, the ballad group jjong is in has the member Jino, who is only 18, and jong is so much older than him
i can't look at shinee as young boys anymore, but grownup men.
there isnt that group bonding anymore, though they still live in the same dorm and all? (i think?)
it makes me realize that i'm growing up as well
time flies, and the past, is the past, unchangeable.
shinee will break up, just like dbsk and they will grow old
life moves on
yet, i still, have memories.
jjong is off with his ballad group and his gf
onew is off with his musicals and hosting of mc
he has a ton of radio shows and all that he goes alone and solos/duets with a bunch of people
who knows what the rest are doing in the wings
and theyre not young anymore, the ballad group jjong is in has the member Jino, who is only 18, and jong is so much older than him
i can't look at shinee as young boys anymore, but grownup men.
there isnt that group bonding anymore, though they still live in the same dorm and all? (i think?)
it makes me realize that i'm growing up as well
time flies, and the past, is the past, unchangeable.
shinee will break up, just like dbsk and they will grow old
life moves on
yet, i still, have memories.
Black Friday
I haven't like legitly worked out in so long. Guh. Black Friday being the best event of the year in terms of shopping freaks like me, I woke up bright and early at 4 to get early bird sales. I must have spent so much money, I don't even know anymore. Anyways, I got these really furry hoodies that are SO WARM. Usually I wear toned down colors, but I was so sleep deprived I got red. It goes with black. like everything else. LOL. Plus, this winter it's like freaking cold. Like, 30. That like, never happens here. People are getting snow around here, for like, the first time in like, 20 years. Yea. Neither have I ever been this chilled to the bones. It's not windy or rainy. It's just cold. Like, not even the piercing kind. The one that just wraps its arms around you in a light huddle. It would be pleasant, if I wasn't wearing like 50 layers and still feeling the frozenness on my face as I breathe out steam. So. I got all prepped for winter. Tons of fleecy, furry clothes that shut out the cold. I even got some boots and a bunch of black jeans that soak up the weak winter sunshine. I was even tempted to get a long wool coat in prep for snow, until everyone talked me out of it.
On top of that, I got this nice shiny wallet. I liked my old wallet, but it was getting too old and small. I wanted a sleek, black wallet that made me look sophisticated. and when I got home, guess what. I found out it matched the brand of my black purse. Nine West freak. and that brand is known for their shoes T.T. But I like the clean look. It's awesome.
But nothing comes without its consequences. I died by like 2. I came home and promptly fell asleep. Neither did I get any hw done all day. and finals are coming up. afkafaw[efkae. Finally, my feet are like, sore. Like my calves, they like don't feel tired tired like after a long run and lactic acid builds up, but like, aerobic-ly exercising, the soreness that builds up over time and goes away in a long while as well. And, I have a headache, from dealing with huge crowds at tired hours, and like, the din in such a place.
wth. a day. black friday 2010.
On top of that, I got this nice shiny wallet. I liked my old wallet, but it was getting too old and small. I wanted a sleek, black wallet that made me look sophisticated. and when I got home, guess what. I found out it matched the brand of my black purse. Nine West freak. and that brand is known for their shoes T.T. But I like the clean look. It's awesome.
But nothing comes without its consequences. I died by like 2. I came home and promptly fell asleep. Neither did I get any hw done all day. and finals are coming up. afkafaw[efkae. Finally, my feet are like, sore. Like my calves, they like don't feel tired tired like after a long run and lactic acid builds up, but like, aerobic-ly exercising, the soreness that builds up over time and goes away in a long while as well. And, I have a headache, from dealing with huge crowds at tired hours, and like, the din in such a place.
wth. a day. black friday 2010.
Miss You - SM the Ballad
SM the Ballad. One of their tracks was revealed today. I'm so proud of you jjong! xDD
SHINee
So I've mostly kept my SHINee-ness off of this blog, because I usually don't go on this blog unless I feel the need to rant, and but today, I felt differently. Hurrah! xD Okay. I need to first say upfront. I AM SUPER ADDICTED TO KPOP. Like seriously. I like, follow with SHINee news like every single day. I tried to coerce myself out of doing so, like by telling everyone I was done with Kpop and all, but it did not work. At all. So, back to my shinee self.
Shinee has kinda become my comfort food kind of thing. They never fail to bring a smile to my face. I don't really know why I like them, like (and sorry Shawols and other shinee lovers), but they aren't as good-looking as some other people out there. People like Rain and Yoochun are are so much more ripped and pretty-faced. But for some reason their faces have grown on me. I am much more pleased to see their faces than even seeing some other big name band. Their dancing and singing are super awesome, some of the best around. Excellent by far. and the best in my opinion <3. One of my friends lately said that popularity does not equal talent, and I must agree, but being so shinee biased, I can't help but say, they do deserve the popularity they receive. Plus, some of the other artists come out as really lofty and all, and I really like shinee's luxurious idol image. It fits them so well. They do not have to hide their "luxurious" lifestyle. They are brand-name artists, obviously rich. But like, they also get to show their nice side. For instance, I always just want to hug Onew. He's so cute and cuddly. Like a giant teddy bear (:. Jonghyun is like the great guy friend that cares and understands, even though he's a guy. Minho gets the blood running by putting in the competitive edge, which is so heady. Key is the diva queen that elicits giggles from all around, not to mention the awesome beauty sense (black friday sales ftw!). Finally, Taemin, the cute kiddo that is such a great dancer. This prodigy inspires me. It takes so much effort behind-the-scenes to dance so well. All the sweat he must have perspired! He makes me work on, even when I'm super tired and I want to sleep. They all work so hard! The members represent excellent traits, and although it's probably SM that makes them work so hard/make them seem perfect yadayada, they really make me feel warm and good inside. This sounds super dumb, but like, when I go to Disney, I feel like I can actually believe the world can actually be a good place, a place where poverty is nonexistent, everyone is happy, and dreams come true. DISNEY LOVE <3
Shinee has kinda become my comfort food kind of thing. They never fail to bring a smile to my face. I don't really know why I like them, like (and sorry Shawols and other shinee lovers), but they aren't as good-looking as some other people out there. People like Rain and Yoochun are are so much more ripped and pretty-faced. But for some reason their faces have grown on me. I am much more pleased to see their faces than even seeing some other big name band. Their dancing and singing are super awesome, some of the best around. Excellent by far. and the best in my opinion <3. One of my friends lately said that popularity does not equal talent, and I must agree, but being so shinee biased, I can't help but say, they do deserve the popularity they receive. Plus, some of the other artists come out as really lofty and all, and I really like shinee's luxurious idol image. It fits them so well. They do not have to hide their "luxurious" lifestyle. They are brand-name artists, obviously rich. But like, they also get to show their nice side. For instance, I always just want to hug Onew. He's so cute and cuddly. Like a giant teddy bear (:. Jonghyun is like the great guy friend that cares and understands, even though he's a guy. Minho gets the blood running by putting in the competitive edge, which is so heady. Key is the diva queen that elicits giggles from all around, not to mention the awesome beauty sense (black friday sales ftw!). Finally, Taemin, the cute kiddo that is such a great dancer. This prodigy inspires me. It takes so much effort behind-the-scenes to dance so well. All the sweat he must have perspired! He makes me work on, even when I'm super tired and I want to sleep. They all work so hard! The members represent excellent traits, and although it's probably SM that makes them work so hard/make them seem perfect yadayada, they really make me feel warm and good inside. This sounds super dumb, but like, when I go to Disney, I feel like I can actually believe the world can actually be a good place, a place where poverty is nonexistent, everyone is happy, and dreams come true. DISNEY LOVE <3
Saturday, November 20, 2010
A Post from Oct 11, 2010
This is in journal entry format, because I wanted to do so. The names have been taken out as well. LIVE WITH IT.
Hey. It’s me. I know I barely ever talk to you, but I’m really in a squeeze now. I know I’m usually happy, and I should be really happy now and all, but I’m not. Here’s what’s on my mind.
I am horrible at school. I’m never happy at school, and doing homework is always such a pain. I always feel like it’s a burden to me. It never works. I come home fully intending to do all my homework and all, and be on top of things. Like, in [class name], for example. I am fully capable of acing every test/quiz, but I just never want to do homework. It’s only in the last moment right before school starts in the morning that I cram out everything. If I only read the textbook even once, I would have been fine, but no. I don’t want to. I just don’t want to. At first, I tried to fool myself by saying “oh, it’s okay, I’m simply using up all my time on sleep, and I’m not actually wasting time. I’m just catching up on sleep, and next on my agenda is homework”. So. Not. True. I wasn’t even that tired in the first place. I just slept so I could forget about everything. And now that I’m not tired anymore? I stay up and chat, watch youtube movies and read fanfiction. What joy. I don’t even really like doing those activites that much. But, since chatting requires that I keep my façade up, I can pretend to be happy for long stretches of time. But after all that, what do I get, a massive headache, and I just want to ditch the world for a while. Anways, that’s why I’ve been creating like a billion accounts online. So I can be happy. Youtube movies and fanfic are just mind-numbing. I usually read/watch the ones relating to Asian pop music, because they are so cheesy. They’re so awesome. So happy. I can just sit there and stare at the screen, and something unexpectedly cute or funny pops up and makes me smile. Another way to deceive myself. But this can’t last forever. Reality pops up. My grades are horrible. I have lots of B’s and maybe even a few C’s, especially for [class name], where I could be getting a B [[teacher name]'s class pulls standards down, no one has an A], but I’m sleeping at really odd hours and that’s screwing with my ability to think and write good in-class essays on the spot. So, I decided to really read My Antonia and the lit crits that go with it. And guess what. My Antonia is a book that’s on something really happy, until you get to the lit crits, and they describe something really dark and horrible. Great. So I try to get solace with friends and all, and I spend a long time chatting with them and all, and I feel like I’ve been building really strong relations with all of them. They all really understand me and accept me, but then again I’m not really showing them my true self. I show them a fluffy side that is passionate and gets really excited really easily, like my addiction for SHINee, but I never put any of my problems up for them. I just keep them all secret. I have moved on to more connections with them, but somehow I’m farther than ever. Plus, I feel like I always really want to be alone, but I’m afraid to. Like, starting like yesterday (October 10, 2010), I started feeling really sad. I went to take a nap just on the pretense of being tired, and I found that I couldn’t sleep. I just kinda laid there, and went oh. And thought about random things, anything that popped into my mind. I was college apps and how I had this whole schpeal ready for colleges, but I didn’t follow through at all. Then I thought about some random things I watch and realized, oh, this is the perfect time to cry. Yay. But I don’t cry about those things. I’m not soft hearted enough to do that. I’ve never cried after pitying myself. I just don’t. I even tried to dare myself in the past to cry about my own pitiful-ness before, and it doesn’t work. I always have hope. But guess what. Yesterday, I cried. I really thought it was over, and it wasn’t even the loud listen to me cry, but the silent, don’t look at me, I’m crying. My mom found me out, and she tried to console me, but I just pushed her away. I don’t mean to do that, but I don’t know how else to react. I’m not gonna get up and start doing college apps now hardyharhar. Thanks. About college apps. Right. So I had this whole thing set up, and right before they were due, I was in the whole denial stage and totally went kaboom. I’m not applying. Sorry. Trying to be all tough and all. Well my parents like screamed at me. Then they went all suck it it’s your own life. Then, they were like we’re disappointed, and went and told everyone about my failure to apply to college. Now everyone knows. They talked to a friend who talked to her niece in [place name] and told her to call me, and it was such an awkward convo. We went hi!, yay nice to meet you. When I was asked if I had anything to ask about, I was like, no. Great. And then, while blabbing on, she was trying to be all nice and avoid saying the you dun want to go to college part, but it was totally obvious that she was just trying to help and get her duty done and really regret agreeing to help her aunt. Great. And now, I want to go to college only kinda, and like, this whole situation is being blown out of control. Plus, that friend of my parents, emailed MY counselor, like this.
Subject: urgent appointment
Hi, [counselor name],
I am [my name]'s mom. She is a [grade level] student in [school name]. She is a
outstanding student in the school. But she suddenly changed maid for not
applying any college. At this critical time, the application deadline is
approaching, we 'd like to get your help.
We'd like to set up an appointment with you to discuss the matter as soon as
possible, without [my name] knows. (as all the students, she doesn't want parents
to involve it).
We believe you are the best one to help us, since she listens to you better than
us.
Thanks so much!
[mum name]
FROM HER OWN FRICKING EMAIL. So my counselor knows. And I’m supposed to be all out of the loop and all, but no, I’m not, and I’m pissed off that I’m not, cuz instead of talking to me, she goes for help first. Wtf. So fine. I could take it. My parents sold me out, and so did my parents’ friends. But it’s like parent things, not gonna affect me. What happens at home stays at home. It doesn’t really get into school that much anyways. Like my parents got me a counselor thingy at ShareWorld, and she’s been accosting me with her emails, but I just delete them. And they also got this other random kid that works from his own home (shady right?), and he emails me too, saying don’t worry I’ll take care of all of this. Well, looking from his contract, it’s just a scheme to get money. And my parents totally fall for it, and they set up all these appointments and all, and yell at me for not wanting to go. Can’t I have a say in this matter? Plus, when I try to tell them gently that maybe they should find diff counselors and compare them, they go eww. Theres no better counselor than that one. Well you haven’t checked, how do you know. There’s not gonna be any emoticons in this, cuz emoticons are cute and cheery, and that is so far from where I am right now. So fine. I can take it. I can even take my mom AND dad constantly randomly popping up where I am in the house and try to be secretive about it so they can secretly watch what I am doing. I have earphones on and I’m staring at the computer screen doesn’t mean I’m not aware of what my surroundings are. Even if I’m not aware, don’t sneak attack like that. It freaks the heck out of me. And when their cover is up, they come in and go whatcha doin’, and I usually am not doing anything productive homework wise. Not wanting to lie, I go yea, stuff. And they go, great. Well when are you gonna start college apps. I have them planned out. I am gonna do them. Don’t go all around blurting out what you think. It would be much appreciated. And when they realize that I haven’t finished them already [cuz they dunno at all what it takes to research 50 billion schools and pick the ones that suit me the best], they go FAIL FAIL YOURE GONNA END UP HOMELESS and YOURE DOOMED FOREVER IF YOU DON’T GO TO COLLEGE. First of all, not true. People can not go to college and still make a decent living. Second of all, life isn’t that bipolar. When I try to explain that to them, they go nuhuhhhh and leave it at that. With my sound arguments, that isn’t really a good comeback. Sorry. I remember in summer, they used to ask me what schools I wanted to apply to. I told them some of them. They went well this isn’t good and that isn’t good and blahblah. Sorry, but I really put a lot of thought into that, and I’m sorry you can’t accept my views. When I try to say back that maybe the only reason they want me to go to college is so that they can brag to their friends and that I want to go to any school not in Cali, cuz its too close and I dislike you all, they say WHATS UP WITH YOUR BRAIN, DO YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE? NO. I don’t. I’m so tired and stressed out. Please leave me alone. That’s the best thing you can do. You don’t have to know where I am and what I’m doing at every second of the day. This leads me up to my final 24hr from I’m okay to I am so feeling horrible attitude right now. Yesterday, I was feeling really eww-y, and I was chatting with my good and trusted old friend/boyfriend [his name]. Well, you know, I like him, but hes not my super ideal type. He has a great attitude and all, but he’s really far, it’s a long distance relationship, his mom dislikes our family in general cuz of her pride and [name] is such an adolescent. He insists on licking me, and like, he doesn’t get some big picture things, like sometimes, I don’t want to be with him all the time. None of my friends understand that. Yesterday, I was talking to amy, and she told me to have a talk with [name], that if I don’t like him, then he has to know. He does know. I told him before. That’s why I haven’t blurted to the world that I am taken. DUH. And now [friend's name] is like, we have to have a talk, hes perfect for you, you have to either take it and admit it, or cut it out now, cuz hes gonna be so sad when you want to break up with him later. SORRY. I have to break up with you. Youre probably going to [university place], and I’m probably gonna leave for [place]. Its gonna be a diff atmosphere, and yadayada, and I’m not the type to be tied down. I don’t like to lose all my personal space at all times in the day, [friend name] and [another friend name] that goes for you too. Its great, but just not all the freaking time. I just haven’t really told you, cuz I’m like needy and I like to have friends around. But just not all the time. I don’t need to go online and [name] youre always there until I go to bed. I need to be able to talk with others. It’s getting really old now. So. I’m gonna start my giant hulabaloo about everything. Last night I had an annoyed talk with [name], yadayada, and [name] was talking to be about how I should spill, but right in the middle she was like I gotta leave cuz my sleep is more important. Bye.wtf. so I mean that much to you. And then, later, I went to sleep. I got up at like 11.30. FAIL. I never get up past like 10, even if its like going to bed at 4 AM, like last night. Ergh. I got up, did gov for the study session we had from 2-5 today. I was doing it, and my mom comes in and says, sorry I don’t think that will benefit you a lot. Why don’t you not go. WOW. WAY TO EVEN CONTROL MY SOCIAL AND SCHOOL LIFE. LET ME BE FREE. THANKS. There, everything is fine, but then, vynnie announces I have an A in gov, and all of a sudden [friend] is scowling at me. Wow. Just cuz your friend got an a, you scowl at me? Thanks. i thought that deca thing was over. Apparently not. And then, I’m explaining how much I suck because I don’t do any hw at home, and he comes over and goes, oh that’s what you say, but you actually work your butt off behind the scenes. Way to believe me. Also, every time I mention justin bieber or cody simpson in a group, they all go ewwww. Okay. Theyre singers. They sing girly, yes, and theyre young, but their singers and they can sing about whatever they want. I think their voices are fine and they look fine. Don’t bash them. So when I finally leave, I get home, and my mom asks why I’m wearing my new [club name] shirt. Cuz I want to. And well, I make the excuse that I wore it cuz it was huge and hasn’t been shrunk yet. Cuz it is big. And she goes, no it isn’t, its perfect fitting now. Thanks for calling me fat. And then, I want to go online and immerse myself in fanfic again, cuz im so tired of being rejected all the time, and but no. hw, or that senior questionnaire. HOW ABOUT NEITHER. So I do my hw. So I’m done with all the hw for tomo. and I was reading fanfic, and I came upon this. [url] This is the prequel to this set [url]. it’s so awesomely written. And so sad. I was like awww. Then, I checked my email for new emails, and guess what I got. I haven’t been to class for twice, but since it’s an once-a-week class, it’s been 2 weeks.
Subject: Hey you!
How are you? I hear you've been crazy busy, and I hear there's been some trouble dealing with your school.
I know you're feeling frustrated, and I know you're taking a rough load at school that's keeping you busy. Can we talk about it? Here, AIM, MSN, call me... whatever you like.
My AIM is [his aim]. My Yahoo is [yahoo]. My MSN is [msn]. My # is [phone number].
Dude he sounds desperate. It’s great that he cares, but I can totally tell that he’s trying to be all nice and flowery about the part where my PARENTS AGAIN, blabbed to everyone about my dislike for college. And usually I just go – glare – and leave it, but just now, I cried again. And I didn’t even like dare myself to cry. It just comes up, and tears come up, and my eyes feel wet. And everyone talks to me about college, and I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. But if they really want to talk about it, I can listen, so I don’t want to say don’t talk to me about it. But it’s so annoying listening to it all. It’s great that they all want to talk to me about it and all, but I don’t want to hear it day-in-day-out. I told my mom about this, and she goes, cuz it’s the only impt thing right now. And then, when she thinks I’m asleep, she blabs about how stupid [my name] is for not thinking about college. Way to twist my words. It’s the same meaning, but I want to have some credit for throwing out my feelings to you, not criticized. And I don’t want pity. So I’m not just gonna say random stuff out like that and elicit feelings from everyone. That’s just lame. So, I’m not even gonna go online right now. It’s too much for me to handle. So, I’m not gonna show anyone this, but I just want to write out my feelings. And this thing is so long, but it’s so precious, I don’t want anyone to hurt me anymore.
Thanks for listening
yayforsquealies
Hey. It’s me. I know I barely ever talk to you, but I’m really in a squeeze now. I know I’m usually happy, and I should be really happy now and all, but I’m not. Here’s what’s on my mind.
I am horrible at school. I’m never happy at school, and doing homework is always such a pain. I always feel like it’s a burden to me. It never works. I come home fully intending to do all my homework and all, and be on top of things. Like, in [class name], for example. I am fully capable of acing every test/quiz, but I just never want to do homework. It’s only in the last moment right before school starts in the morning that I cram out everything. If I only read the textbook even once, I would have been fine, but no. I don’t want to. I just don’t want to. At first, I tried to fool myself by saying “oh, it’s okay, I’m simply using up all my time on sleep, and I’m not actually wasting time. I’m just catching up on sleep, and next on my agenda is homework”. So. Not. True. I wasn’t even that tired in the first place. I just slept so I could forget about everything. And now that I’m not tired anymore? I stay up and chat, watch youtube movies and read fanfiction. What joy. I don’t even really like doing those activites that much. But, since chatting requires that I keep my façade up, I can pretend to be happy for long stretches of time. But after all that, what do I get, a massive headache, and I just want to ditch the world for a while. Anways, that’s why I’ve been creating like a billion accounts online. So I can be happy. Youtube movies and fanfic are just mind-numbing. I usually read/watch the ones relating to Asian pop music, because they are so cheesy. They’re so awesome. So happy. I can just sit there and stare at the screen, and something unexpectedly cute or funny pops up and makes me smile. Another way to deceive myself. But this can’t last forever. Reality pops up. My grades are horrible. I have lots of B’s and maybe even a few C’s, especially for [class name], where I could be getting a B [[teacher name]'s class pulls standards down, no one has an A], but I’m sleeping at really odd hours and that’s screwing with my ability to think and write good in-class essays on the spot. So, I decided to really read My Antonia and the lit crits that go with it. And guess what. My Antonia is a book that’s on something really happy, until you get to the lit crits, and they describe something really dark and horrible. Great. So I try to get solace with friends and all, and I spend a long time chatting with them and all, and I feel like I’ve been building really strong relations with all of them. They all really understand me and accept me, but then again I’m not really showing them my true self. I show them a fluffy side that is passionate and gets really excited really easily, like my addiction for SHINee, but I never put any of my problems up for them. I just keep them all secret. I have moved on to more connections with them, but somehow I’m farther than ever. Plus, I feel like I always really want to be alone, but I’m afraid to. Like, starting like yesterday (October 10, 2010), I started feeling really sad. I went to take a nap just on the pretense of being tired, and I found that I couldn’t sleep. I just kinda laid there, and went oh. And thought about random things, anything that popped into my mind. I was college apps and how I had this whole schpeal ready for colleges, but I didn’t follow through at all. Then I thought about some random things I watch and realized, oh, this is the perfect time to cry. Yay. But I don’t cry about those things. I’m not soft hearted enough to do that. I’ve never cried after pitying myself. I just don’t. I even tried to dare myself in the past to cry about my own pitiful-ness before, and it doesn’t work. I always have hope. But guess what. Yesterday, I cried. I really thought it was over, and it wasn’t even the loud listen to me cry, but the silent, don’t look at me, I’m crying. My mom found me out, and she tried to console me, but I just pushed her away. I don’t mean to do that, but I don’t know how else to react. I’m not gonna get up and start doing college apps now hardyharhar. Thanks. About college apps. Right. So I had this whole thing set up, and right before they were due, I was in the whole denial stage and totally went kaboom. I’m not applying. Sorry. Trying to be all tough and all. Well my parents like screamed at me. Then they went all suck it it’s your own life. Then, they were like we’re disappointed, and went and told everyone about my failure to apply to college. Now everyone knows. They talked to a friend who talked to her niece in [place name] and told her to call me, and it was such an awkward convo. We went hi!, yay nice to meet you. When I was asked if I had anything to ask about, I was like, no. Great. And then, while blabbing on, she was trying to be all nice and avoid saying the you dun want to go to college part, but it was totally obvious that she was just trying to help and get her duty done and really regret agreeing to help her aunt. Great. And now, I want to go to college only kinda, and like, this whole situation is being blown out of control. Plus, that friend of my parents, emailed MY counselor, like this.
Subject: urgent appointment
Hi, [counselor name],
I am [my name]'s mom. She is a [grade level] student in [school name]. She is a
outstanding student in the school. But she suddenly changed maid for not
applying any college. At this critical time, the application deadline is
approaching, we 'd like to get your help.
We'd like to set up an appointment with you to discuss the matter as soon as
possible, without [my name] knows. (as all the students, she doesn't want parents
to involve it).
We believe you are the best one to help us, since she listens to you better than
us.
Thanks so much!
[mum name]
FROM HER OWN FRICKING EMAIL. So my counselor knows. And I’m supposed to be all out of the loop and all, but no, I’m not, and I’m pissed off that I’m not, cuz instead of talking to me, she goes for help first. Wtf. So fine. I could take it. My parents sold me out, and so did my parents’ friends. But it’s like parent things, not gonna affect me. What happens at home stays at home. It doesn’t really get into school that much anyways. Like my parents got me a counselor thingy at ShareWorld, and she’s been accosting me with her emails, but I just delete them. And they also got this other random kid that works from his own home (shady right?), and he emails me too, saying don’t worry I’ll take care of all of this. Well, looking from his contract, it’s just a scheme to get money. And my parents totally fall for it, and they set up all these appointments and all, and yell at me for not wanting to go. Can’t I have a say in this matter? Plus, when I try to tell them gently that maybe they should find diff counselors and compare them, they go eww. Theres no better counselor than that one. Well you haven’t checked, how do you know. There’s not gonna be any emoticons in this, cuz emoticons are cute and cheery, and that is so far from where I am right now. So fine. I can take it. I can even take my mom AND dad constantly randomly popping up where I am in the house and try to be secretive about it so they can secretly watch what I am doing. I have earphones on and I’m staring at the computer screen doesn’t mean I’m not aware of what my surroundings are. Even if I’m not aware, don’t sneak attack like that. It freaks the heck out of me. And when their cover is up, they come in and go whatcha doin’, and I usually am not doing anything productive homework wise. Not wanting to lie, I go yea, stuff. And they go, great. Well when are you gonna start college apps. I have them planned out. I am gonna do them. Don’t go all around blurting out what you think. It would be much appreciated. And when they realize that I haven’t finished them already [cuz they dunno at all what it takes to research 50 billion schools and pick the ones that suit me the best], they go FAIL FAIL YOURE GONNA END UP HOMELESS and YOURE DOOMED FOREVER IF YOU DON’T GO TO COLLEGE. First of all, not true. People can not go to college and still make a decent living. Second of all, life isn’t that bipolar. When I try to explain that to them, they go nuhuhhhh and leave it at that. With my sound arguments, that isn’t really a good comeback. Sorry. I remember in summer, they used to ask me what schools I wanted to apply to. I told them some of them. They went well this isn’t good and that isn’t good and blahblah. Sorry, but I really put a lot of thought into that, and I’m sorry you can’t accept my views. When I try to say back that maybe the only reason they want me to go to college is so that they can brag to their friends and that I want to go to any school not in Cali, cuz its too close and I dislike you all, they say WHATS UP WITH YOUR BRAIN, DO YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE? NO. I don’t. I’m so tired and stressed out. Please leave me alone. That’s the best thing you can do. You don’t have to know where I am and what I’m doing at every second of the day. This leads me up to my final 24hr from I’m okay to I am so feeling horrible attitude right now. Yesterday, I was feeling really eww-y, and I was chatting with my good and trusted old friend/boyfriend [his name]. Well, you know, I like him, but hes not my super ideal type. He has a great attitude and all, but he’s really far, it’s a long distance relationship, his mom dislikes our family in general cuz of her pride and [name] is such an adolescent. He insists on licking me, and like, he doesn’t get some big picture things, like sometimes, I don’t want to be with him all the time. None of my friends understand that. Yesterday, I was talking to amy, and she told me to have a talk with [name], that if I don’t like him, then he has to know. He does know. I told him before. That’s why I haven’t blurted to the world that I am taken. DUH. And now [friend's name] is like, we have to have a talk, hes perfect for you, you have to either take it and admit it, or cut it out now, cuz hes gonna be so sad when you want to break up with him later. SORRY. I have to break up with you. Youre probably going to [university place], and I’m probably gonna leave for [place]. Its gonna be a diff atmosphere, and yadayada, and I’m not the type to be tied down. I don’t like to lose all my personal space at all times in the day, [friend name] and [another friend name] that goes for you too. Its great, but just not all the freaking time. I just haven’t really told you, cuz I’m like needy and I like to have friends around. But just not all the time. I don’t need to go online and [name] youre always there until I go to bed. I need to be able to talk with others. It’s getting really old now. So. I’m gonna start my giant hulabaloo about everything. Last night I had an annoyed talk with [name], yadayada, and [name] was talking to be about how I should spill, but right in the middle she was like I gotta leave cuz my sleep is more important. Bye.wtf. so I mean that much to you. And then, later, I went to sleep. I got up at like 11.30. FAIL. I never get up past like 10, even if its like going to bed at 4 AM, like last night. Ergh. I got up, did gov for the study session we had from 2-5 today. I was doing it, and my mom comes in and says, sorry I don’t think that will benefit you a lot. Why don’t you not go. WOW. WAY TO EVEN CONTROL MY SOCIAL AND SCHOOL LIFE. LET ME BE FREE. THANKS. There, everything is fine, but then, vynnie announces I have an A in gov, and all of a sudden [friend] is scowling at me. Wow. Just cuz your friend got an a, you scowl at me? Thanks. i thought that deca thing was over. Apparently not. And then, I’m explaining how much I suck because I don’t do any hw at home, and he comes over and goes, oh that’s what you say, but you actually work your butt off behind the scenes. Way to believe me. Also, every time I mention justin bieber or cody simpson in a group, they all go ewwww. Okay. Theyre singers. They sing girly, yes, and theyre young, but their singers and they can sing about whatever they want. I think their voices are fine and they look fine. Don’t bash them. So when I finally leave, I get home, and my mom asks why I’m wearing my new [club name] shirt. Cuz I want to. And well, I make the excuse that I wore it cuz it was huge and hasn’t been shrunk yet. Cuz it is big. And she goes, no it isn’t, its perfect fitting now. Thanks for calling me fat. And then, I want to go online and immerse myself in fanfic again, cuz im so tired of being rejected all the time, and but no. hw, or that senior questionnaire. HOW ABOUT NEITHER. So I do my hw. So I’m done with all the hw for tomo. and I was reading fanfic, and I came upon this. [url] This is the prequel to this set [url]. it’s so awesomely written. And so sad. I was like awww. Then, I checked my email for new emails, and guess what I got. I haven’t been to class for twice, but since it’s an once-a-week class, it’s been 2 weeks.
Subject: Hey you!
How are you? I hear you've been crazy busy, and I hear there's been some trouble dealing with your school.
I know you're feeling frustrated, and I know you're taking a rough load at school that's keeping you busy. Can we talk about it? Here, AIM, MSN, call me... whatever you like.
My AIM is [his aim]. My Yahoo is [yahoo]. My MSN is [msn]. My # is [phone number].
Dude he sounds desperate. It’s great that he cares, but I can totally tell that he’s trying to be all nice and flowery about the part where my PARENTS AGAIN, blabbed to everyone about my dislike for college. And usually I just go – glare – and leave it, but just now, I cried again. And I didn’t even like dare myself to cry. It just comes up, and tears come up, and my eyes feel wet. And everyone talks to me about college, and I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. But if they really want to talk about it, I can listen, so I don’t want to say don’t talk to me about it. But it’s so annoying listening to it all. It’s great that they all want to talk to me about it and all, but I don’t want to hear it day-in-day-out. I told my mom about this, and she goes, cuz it’s the only impt thing right now. And then, when she thinks I’m asleep, she blabs about how stupid [my name] is for not thinking about college. Way to twist my words. It’s the same meaning, but I want to have some credit for throwing out my feelings to you, not criticized. And I don’t want pity. So I’m not just gonna say random stuff out like that and elicit feelings from everyone. That’s just lame. So, I’m not even gonna go online right now. It’s too much for me to handle. So, I’m not gonna show anyone this, but I just want to write out my feelings. And this thing is so long, but it’s so precious, I don’t want anyone to hurt me anymore.
Thanks for listening
yayforsquealies
I Haven't Been Here for a While, But I Feel A Need to Rant
Life is horrible. It goes down the drain at the worst times. My mood swings are definitely getting worse, and they're starting to affect my life. It used to be that when I got mad I just cooled off and became myself again. Now, it even interferes with grades and important stuff.
BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT. I can't help that the world does not make sense, and it does not see eye to eye with me. I told everyone that my college essay would piss them off badly. ...and they still wanted to read it. FINE. READ IT. OKAY. But then to criticize me for being such a idiot? Well, guess what. I MEANT to show that I was human. I was showing a weak side, and I concur that it made me sound dumb. CUZ IT WAS MEANT TO BE. (There seems to be a ton of allcaps for me today.) Don't criticize me on that. I told you that before, and you should be warned. That's all I'm saying.
Also, the world does not get in my way when I am mad. I sometimes argue for sides that I do not support. Common sense makes you doubt me, and you're supposed to stop me. But no. You don't. Unable to stop my pride, I just go along with my fail position and it's starting to affect real life. I know I should just stop and all, and I am going too far, but TOO BAD SUCKA. By that time, I am so angry that I don't want to deal with it anymore, and I just want to go through with my dumb deal. and I do. YAY.
Wow admitting that just made my bubble burst. Thanks for being with me bubble. Well, too bad. I'm done.
I don't make sense, but I do to myself. and so I do to everyone else. YAY.
BUT ITS NOT MY FAULT. I can't help that the world does not make sense, and it does not see eye to eye with me. I told everyone that my college essay would piss them off badly. ...and they still wanted to read it. FINE. READ IT. OKAY. But then to criticize me for being such a idiot? Well, guess what. I MEANT to show that I was human. I was showing a weak side, and I concur that it made me sound dumb. CUZ IT WAS MEANT TO BE. (There seems to be a ton of allcaps for me today.) Don't criticize me on that. I told you that before, and you should be warned. That's all I'm saying.
Also, the world does not get in my way when I am mad. I sometimes argue for sides that I do not support. Common sense makes you doubt me, and you're supposed to stop me. But no. You don't. Unable to stop my pride, I just go along with my fail position and it's starting to affect real life. I know I should just stop and all, and I am going too far, but TOO BAD SUCKA. By that time, I am so angry that I don't want to deal with it anymore, and I just want to go through with my dumb deal. and I do. YAY.
Wow admitting that just made my bubble burst. Thanks for being with me bubble. Well, too bad. I'm done.
I don't make sense, but I do to myself. and so I do to everyone else. YAY.
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